Switching It Up

I’ve been feeling a bit like Bilbo Baggins, lately.

No, not in the sense that I feel like I’m going to attack my nephew in an attempt to take back My Precious, but rather because I feel “thin — sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” Part of this feeling I chalk up to stress and not eating enough, but I’m hoping that soon maintenance/chomping a bit more in the process will at least eliminate any lethargy brought about by the latter. However, I must wonder if my exercise schedule isn’t also somewhat to blame.

For the last several weeks, my exercise load has looked like the following:

35 miles per week

Strength-training 3 times per week

One active rest day per week (i.e., yoga)

I’ve been wondering if this isn’t a little much, so I wrote to Kelly over at the “My Revolution Bootcamp” blog for advice, and she was kind enough to answer my question in this post: “Give It a Rest.”

(But, wait!, you say. That letter is signed by someone named ‘Justine!’

That is because I write this blog under a pseudonym, mostly because a) only one member of my family knows I have an issue with binge eating, b) none of my friends know I have an issue with binge eating and c) I’d prefer my future employers not know I have an issue with binge eating. Anyway, the name attached to that letter is my legitimate first name. But, I digress.)

Long story short, I’ll be making the following changes to my exercise schedule:

1. I’ll be replacing one of my 7-mile runs with an hour-long, “free choice” cardio session, which will be rad as I have a HUGE collection of exercise tapes at home that I really enjoy doing (Yes, I enjoy exercise tapes. Apparently, some part of me just loves bad faux-dancing and being yelled at by petite, overly perky women.)

2. Every three weeks, I’ll have a “taper week” where I replace a second 7-mile run with another active rest day.

Granted, this means I’ll be burning 700 or so fewer calories per week, but I’d rather eat less (only about 100 calories per day less, really) then run my body into the ground. And, I think that now—i.e., this time period when I’m moving into the maintenance—is the best time to do it, since by cutting my exercise at this point in time I won’t have an opportunity to get used to a higher daily caloric intake for maintenance.

Anyway, I had my first “free choice” session this morning. Unfortunately, I don’t have access to any my beloved videos as they are all not in my dorm room (I could have totally gone for some kickboxing today, too), but fortunately I DO have access to a gym with some variety of exercise equipment. I ended up doing half an hour on the elliptical, ten minutes on the rowing machine and twenty minutes on the treadmill for lack of anything better to do. Technically, I could have used the stationary bike and gotten some more variety, but I just never feel like I get a good workout on those things.

Also, I’m kind of wigging out about choosing to start maintenance this week when I wasn’t technically at my “goal weight” of 128 pounds. You see, since I was due for my “lady times,”* I figured that would take care of the last pound and I could still bump up my calories a bit. But, that was probably a bad assumption to make. Ah, well. I guess I’ll see Friday if I have to scale back my intake, again. Man, I hope not. Blergh, why did I jump the gun!

* If there were any dudes still reading this blog, they have probably now stopped. Alas.

Ch-Ch-Changes!

So, one of the many reasons (and, perhaps, actually the worst reason) I wanted to stop bingeing is because I knew it would make losing/maintaining weight—both now and in the future (because, let’s face it, everyone gains a few pounds on occasion, though I would hope I don’t find myself staring down a 10-pound gain again)—much easier. And, it has. For the sake of accountability, here’s my weight from the pass 10 weeks in addition to how many calories I ate on average per day in the week leading up to that particular weigh-in day:

Date: Weight, Average Daily Caloric Intake (Notes, If Applicable)

1/15: 142, Calorie Count Not Available (I ate hell of terrible up to this point. Oops.)

1/22: 139.5, 1700

1/29: 136, 1700

2/05: N/A, 1850 (I started weighing myself ever other week around this time, something I’ll touch on in the anti-binge post. This is also the first week where I introduced the “Anti-Binge,” increased-calorie week [See Below])

2/12: 134.6, 1700

2/19: 137.6, C.C. Not Available (This is the week I slipped up and binged.)

2/26: 132.8, 1640

3/05: 132.2, 1700

3/12: 131.9, 1700 (At this point, I was a little frustrated, so I introduced a “Plateau Week.” [See Below])

3/19: 131.3, 1900 (The Plateau Week worked!)

So, yes. As you can, although my weight loss has slowed down a bit recently, it’s a big improvement over steady, big loss followed by a huge step back. What’s made for better progress?

a) Not bingeing, obviously.

b) “Plateau/Anti-Binge” Weeks. My mom actually came up with this idea when she noticed that, about every three weeks, the diet tended to go out the window. So, rather than just tossing it entirely, she decided to give herself a week—every three weeks—where she got extra calories. Not a ton, mind you (about, on average, 150 extra calories per day), but it was enough to keep her from falling off the wagon. And, it worked for me, too. Eventually, when I went a few weeks without bingeing, I decided I didn’t need the help, anymore, and got rid of the “higher calorie” week in the interest of losing weight more quickly. But, when I hit a plateau, I re-introduced it and ended up losing more that week than I did the week before, when I ate less. Neat! So, now I institute a “Plateau Week” whenever two weeks pass and I lose less than a pound.

c) A higher fat diet. Inspired by Susan‘s “Fatty February,” I made a conscious effort to start including foods with higher amounts of healthy fat. And, it knocked out my appetite. Now, this may not work for you, but getting rid of the “diet foods” in my diet (e.g., “Light” bread, products engineered to be fat free, etc.) and including more fat (and, consequently, more protein, as many sources of healthy fats are also goods sources of the p-stuff) helped me feel more satiated and, thus, less like bingeing. Also, my hair is super silky now. Seriously, it feels like I have a kitten on my head. Want to try a higher fat diet, yourself? Try having hard boiled eggs with miracle whip for lunch instead of a turkey sandwich, or introducing more tuna and nut butters/nuts into your diet. Good stuff, and good for you. HOWEVER, if you’re not counting calories/Points and you decide to switch to a higher fat diet, keep in mind that a lot of food with healthy fats are also higher in calories than their leaner counterparts. So, when you make a PB + J, make sure you aren’t putting as many ounces of P on your bread as you would have of turkey if you were making a turkey sandwich, otherwise you’ll be gaining teh weightz and wondering why.

Other changes:

d) Fewer miles per day. When I stopped writing in January, I was working towards running 10 miles in one set. But, I’ve found I really don’t enjoy long runs (packing snacks for excercise? Water coolers on your back to stay hydrated? No, thanks; too lazy). So, now I do a maximum of seven miles in one session, but my total mileage for the week is the same.

e) More strength training. I used to have my Cardio/Weights/Yoga weeks, but now I lift weights three times a week every week, and I really feel like it’s helped me maintain muscle mass and that, now, I’m losing more fat than muscle. NEAT.

Yep! Of course, the basic structure of my diet is pretty much the same (1,500 calories per day and 1,400 bonus calories per week, unless it’s a Plateau Week, in which case I get between 2,450 and 2,800 bonus calories for the week), and I hope it keeps workin’ for me. Who knows, maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll be in my 120s by this Friday (Eeeeee!)  Last time I started a diet post-holiday season, it took me until September to reach the point I’m at now, so I’m pretty pleased, regardless. But, I’m also going home on Friday and will be celebrating Easter in that time, so hopefully I can keep it together while splurging in moderation. Woot.

ANYWAY … any questions?

OMFG SNOW

So, not to be Captain Obvious for those bloggers/readers in Boston, but DUDES IT IS TOTALLY SNOWING OUTSIDE.

And, when I say this, it is not with excitement.

I hate the cold. In fact, after graduating, I hope to move somewhere warm—somewhere where the winter doesn’t bring postponement of plans and the inability to run outside whenever I damn well please. I’ve lived in the Northeast my entire life and, quite frankly, I am sick of shoveling snow. PAH, SNOW. PAH I SAY TO YOU. Regardless, I am willing to forgive the weather so long as it doesn’t interfere with my final exam on Tuesday; it’s the last thing between me and going home for winter break, and I cannot wait to get out of here.

Luckily, I took advantage of the non-snowiness this morning and snuck in a run while the getting was good. When I first stepped outside, today, I actually had every intention of just going to the gym and doing my run there (“OMG IT IS SO CHILLAY AND I AM A WIMP”), but all the treadmills were being used! How dare these Weekend Warriors stand in the way of my desire to excercise in a warm area. I AM A BABY, GODDAMMIT, AND MUST BE CODDLED. Anyway, I took a look at the sky (it was about 8:30 A.M., and I knew snow was forthcoming), and just started charging down the street. It. Was. AWESOME. It’s funny, I hardly ever look forward to my runs, but I always enjoy them, especially when they end up happening outdoors—an outdoor run always flies by for me.

On the binge eating front, I’ve been keeping it together for the last two days (Hooray!), but I need to hit the grocery store tomorrow and all this stress is setting me up for trouble; over the course of the evening, I’ve been thinking of all the tasty things I’d like to chomp on while studying for my exam (see a connection, here?). But, I managed to “white knuckle” it yesterday, and I’m just going to keep fighting the fight. Honestly, I think you just need to get to a point where you put your foot down and say, “ENOUGH.” Am I there yet? I don’t know, but I’ve just come to the realization that I am 21-years old and I essentially eat like a domesticated animal. I need to start eating like an adult.

Part of the reason I’m stressed, though, is because I am going home, and while home I sometimes feel a certain lack of control over my eating habits. There’s a lot of focus on eating/weight in my family, and sometimes I feel abnormal because of comments they make in response to my decision to diet or eat healthfully. For example: I honestly sometimes just do not like to go out to eat—I know there are copious amounts of calories in restaurant meals, so that aspect just makes the meal less than enjoyable, and restaurant food also tends to sit in my stomach like lead. It’s just a feeling I don’t enjoy, but if I decline I get passive-aggresive commentary on occasion, and then I feel guilty for not going out with people because that’s what “normal” people do, and then I do go out and don’t enjoy it and binge. Blergh.

But, I am going to try and eat like an “adult” while I’m home; if I have an indulgence or go out to eat, that should be it. I really want to conquer this before I start my “post-holiday” diet; not bingeing will make the journey go so much quicker, and it’ll mean I can get around to eating more and maintaining my weight sooner. Yessir. It’s hard to control yourself, though, when food is right in front of you; when you get into that binge mentality, it’s like you entirely forget about consequenes. Does anyone else have this problem?

Candy Land

Man, some days I could care less about food and some days I could really chomp. Yesterday was the former, but today is certainly the latter. I’ve stayed on plan so far today, and I’m analyzing how I’m feeling rather than just reachin’ for the carbs; I’m definitely stressed today, particularly since I have to interview my internship supervisor for a paper I’m writing. I have mild social anxiety, and for reason the idea of talking one-on-one with people some days just scares the bejeebus out of me.

“Then why are you going to be a journalist? Doesn’t that involve … you know, talking to people?”

Well, there weird part is that 90% of the time (except for that odd day when ANY social interaction scares me), I’m fine with talking to strangers and I can do the public speaking like nobody’s business. It’s like, “I’ll never see them again, who cares!” It’s along the same lines of being able to blog about very personal things/sharing them with an (mostly) anonymous internet and being unable to discuss the same topics with family.

But, on a hungry day, I should have gone with a tried and true snack. Instead, I attempted something new and am not dissatisfied, out of snack calories and looking to nom on more. Basically, I had my first whack at Peanut Butter Oats, and I used waaaay too little Peanut Butter/Nutella; it essentially just tasted like plain oats with the occasional pocket of Peanut Butter. Bleh. It smelled divine, though; just like a Reese’s Cup.

Mmmm … Reese’s.

Is it really ridiculous that part of the reason I look forward to the holidays is the candy I get in ye olde stocking? Some store bought items I could pass up any day of the week, but I love candy from the grocery store, almost as much as I love ice cream. Here are my top five favorite grocery store candies:

1. Dove Milk Chocolate Promises with Almonds

2. Mini Reese’s Cups (I don’t know why, but I prefer them to the regular sized ones. Maybe I like the chocolate-to-peanut butter ratio of the minis, better.)/Reese’s Pieces

3. Lindt Hazelnut Truffles/Lindt “Snowman” (i.e., milk chocolate shell with a white chocolate filling) Truffles

4. M&Ms (I personally prefer the straight-up milk chocolate kind, but sometimes the mood does strike me for some Peanut M&Ms. My all time favorite, though, was the Crispy variety; I’m still mad they took that kind away.)

5. Nestle Crunch Jingles (SO GOOD. It’s probably for the best they come around only at Christmas-time. I know that they’re just Crunch bars in bell form, but for some reason they just taste a million times better to me than the bar.)

I’m also a pretty big fan of Starburst Jellybeans and the occasional Twix/Snickers, and I’ve been wanting to try these but can’t find them anywhere. Also, yes, I am aware that I could buy any of this candy 90% of the time, but its just more fun to eat when its been paid for by someone else and eaten on a holiday, so hush ye mouths.

Why am I discussing candy on a diet/healthy eating blog? Well, everything in moderation, right (Except STDs; those are not good in any amount)? Also, I am just hell of craving candy, today, and I reckon writing about candy is far better than eating it. Also, I am trying to burn time between now and dinner. Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

I definitely think my appetite has something to do with exposure, too, though; the past few days, I’ve been cooped up in room with no noms to look at except my whole wheat bagels. But, I went into a campus eatery this morning, looked around and thought, “Ah … this is why I binge.” The fact of the matter is, we are CONSTANTLY bombarded with images of food/food itself, and the majority of the time, what we’re looking at while in line at the store/coffee shop, etc., isn’t healthy; standing in line this morning at Einstein Brother’s Bagels, I realized how easy it is to just give in to impulse and snag that muffin or coffee cake or cookie. Food industries thrive on impulse buys. Yes, I know everyone probably realized this already, but it just continues to astound me how well marketing agencies know the human mind. I swear, McDonald’s and company must have psychologists on their staff.

Anyway, at least my run went well this morning. Initially, my legs were really tight but I just worked through it and ended up going for four miles straight. Not too shabby, no? Usually I would be looking forward to my yoga class tomorrow, but we’re just going to looking at the “meditation” aspect of yoga, tomorrow. I really practice yoga for the athletic/stretching aspect of it, but I guess it won’t hurt me to broaden my horizons a bit and maybe learn some relaxation techniques in the process; I could certainly use them.

Do you have a favorite [Generic Winter Holiday] food?

No-Binge November (and some of December)

Yes, I did post a Homestarrunner video. No, I don’t want to hear about it … NO, YOU SHUT UP, THIS IS TOTALLY RELEVANT TO MY POST.

Bad news:

I won’t be going home for Thanksgiving. This makes me sad.

Good news:

I’m going home in less than three weeks, anyway, so it’s not a huge deal, but still, it’s Thanksgiving and this is my first holiday away from my family. 😦

Still, I want to make the most of a bad situation, and I’m doing so by setting forth a CHALLENGEEEEEEEEE for myself:
Since I now no longer have to concern myself with the prospect of overeating on Thanksgiving, I challenge myself not to binge between today and the day I go home for break (Dec. 8). I’m counting yesterday as my first day (as I stayed on plan), and if I continue to not binge, that means that by Dec. 8, I will have gone three weeks without bingeing. And, if I can go three weeks without bingeing, then I can certainly repeat the feat (hur hur, rhyming) after the holidays and lose the weight for good!

I’m planning on setting up some kind of reward for myself, but I’m not sure what it’s going to be as of yet. Honestly, my favorite reward is … well … food, but all I ever hear is, “Don’t reward yourself with food, blergh!” Regardless, I’m going to keep a No-Binge November/December countdown in ye olde sidebar. Feel free to follow along at home, kids.

Post-my last binge, though, I’ve tried to make some changes that will stop me from making the same mistake again: For one, I took a page out of Allison‘s book and have started writing down my hunger levels whenever I eat. This is a really good thing that I should be doing, regardless, because when you’re transitioning from Points/calorie counting to intuitive eating, one of the first steps is basically re-familiarizing yourself with hunger. But, while counting calories, I’ve found it’s also really helpful in keeping me from plowing through all my bonus calories; basically, it guilts me into not eating (“Aww, man … I’m not actually hungry. Guess I should stop boredom-eating.”) I don’t keep anything excessively tempting in the dorm, anymore (if I want anything, I haul my ass out for a single serving), and … I’ve even started writing notes to myself. … Of the … inspirational variety. OK, well, only one, but I still feel mad ridiculous: Whenever I open my food journal, I see a big ol’ sticky note that says “I will never binge again!” Corny? Yes. But, capable of reminding me of my priorities whenever I feel tempted to go over the edge? Also, yes.

I had good intentions of running the entire seven miles I had to cover today for my workout, but for some reason I just had no oomph. So, I ended up walking a mile/running a mile until I was finished. I guess seven miles is seven miles, right?

What are your current goals? Do you think it’s OK to reward yourself with food?

Put Me in the Oven …

… ’cause I’m so doughy, I should be baked.

You know what I’m talking about: When that muffin you ate feels like it’s sittin’ below the surface of your skin instead of in your stomach, and that weight gain (real or imagined) feels pudgy to the touch. That’s how I felt this morning.

I’m wondering if I should just bite the bullet and weigh myself, because I’ve spent so much time analyzing how I look in the mirror that I’m obsessing about my weight regardless of the fact that I don’t know the number on the scale. Meh. Sometimes, I wonder if I should go to a therapist: I don’t really think I have an eating disorder, nor would I ever starve myself or purge, but sometimes I just think about food all the time. But, what is a therapist going to tell me? I don’t think I look terrible after I’ve gained two or three pounds, so my problem isn’t with body issues. I actually wish I could pull off being a voluptuous lady; I think the “thin is in” concept is totally ridiculous, and if I looked better heavier, I would maintain a higher weight. But, unfortunately, I’m just one of those types who—when they’re carrying a few extra pounds—looks like a pot-bellied grandfather clock rather than an hourglass. Honestly, I think my problem is just that I’m a control freak; it’s like, “Well, I can’t control how pretty I am, or how many papers I have to do, but I can control my weight.” So, that’s what I project onto. Maybe? I’M A JOURNALIST, NOT A PSYCHIATRIST, FOR GOD’S SAKE.

I’m trying not to stress about post-holiday weight gain—stressing doesn’t help anyone, most of all me. The thing is, if I just buckle down and do it, it won’t take that long to the weight. And, I’ve done it before, so now that I’ve had the practice, I should be even better at losing weight this time around, right? Right! I’M A PROFESSIONAL. I’m trying to develop a holiday plan, though, so I don’t gain a pound a day (which is just ridiculous). I’m thinking that on days like Thanksgiving, I’ll either a) give myself a cheat meal and count calories for the rest of the day or b) set a rule where I at least have to stick to my breakfast-lunch-snack-dinner-snack routine. I learned after the wedding weekend that I’m actually getting pretty good at not bingeing at special events, but what I need to work on is not turning the rest of the day into an eating bonanza, if you will, and going to the grocery to buy extra snacks and consuming random things like cookies and ice cream that I can have any other day of the week by making room for it, calorie wise.

I went for a run this morning (Yay!), went pretty well … until the sidewalk decided to say “Good Morning!”

Sidewalk: “HAI GURL!”

Me: “Hey, I am just going to step up over that tricky part where the street and you meet, if that is cool.”

Sidewalk: “HOLD UP I WANT TO GIVE YOUR KNEE A HIGH-FIVE”

Me: “Wait, what.”

And so it went. Now, there is mad dirt all up in my knee. Also blood on my knee. I am mildly encouraged, though, by the fact that people slowed down in their cars to make sure I was OK. … Then again, they could have just been slowing down to enjoy my suffering. Whatever.

A Running Start

I’m a lady who likes structure. On days I don’t have class, I tend to just mosey around and not get anything done. I plan out my meals a week in advance. And when I don’t have an excercise program to follow, I get into a slump.

Lately, I’ve fallen victim to the latter most item on that list. My workouts have been getting done, but I haven’t been enjoying them that much and my intensity has been lacking. So, I shopped around for a new running program.

I adapted this plan from Runner’s World in an effort to, at the end of 10 weeks, complete my first double-digit run. “Hey,” I thought, “I’m eating more, so now is a great time to start running more, right?” I was already running 6.5 miles comfortably, so I’m starting at around week four on the Runner’s World program. However, my plan caps my runs at 10 miles, when the original plan goes up to 20+ miles on certain days. Honestly, I don’t have time to devote more than two hours in a day to a run, and I don’t want to get into an excercise plan that I can’t sustain. But, here’s my plan:

WEEK F S Su M T W Th Total
November 13th Cross Training Quality

6 miles

Easy

4 miles

Tempo

5 miles

Yoga Easy

7 miles

Easy

3 miles

25 miles
November 20th Cross Training Quality

6 miles

Easy

4 miles

Tempo

5 miles

Yoga Easy

8 miles

Easy

3 miles

26 miles
November 27th Cross Training Quality

6 miles

Easy

4 miles

Tempo

6 miles

Yoga Easy

8 miles

Easy

3 miles

27 miles
December 4th Cross Training Quality

7 miles

Easy

4 miles

Tempo

6 miles

Yoga Easy

8 miles

Easy

4 miles

29 miles
December 11th Cross Training Quality

7 miles

Easy

4 miles

Tempo

7 miles

Yoga Easy

8 miles

Easy

4 miles

30 miles
December 18th Cross Training Quality

7 miles

Easy

5 miles

Tempo

7 miles

Yoga Easy

8 miles

Easy

4 miles

31 miles
December 25th Cross Training Quality

8 miles

Easy

5 miles

Tempo

7 miles

Yoga Easy

8 miles

Easy

4 miles

32 miles
January 1st Cross Training Quality

8 miles

Easy

5 miles

Tempo

8 miles

Yoga Easy

8 miles

Easy

4 miles

33 miles
January 8th Cross Training Quality

8 miles

Easy

5 miles

Tempo

8 miles

Yoga Easy

9 miles

Easy

4 miles

34 miles
January 15th Cross Training Quality

8 miles

Easy

5 miles

Tempo

8 miles

Yoga Easy

10 miles

Easy

4 miles

35 miles

It probably seems excessive to stretch this plan out over 10 weeks, but, whatevs (DON’T HATE.) I don’t want to injure myself or ramp up my appetite by doing too much too soon. Also, the days on which I do my long runs probably seem a little whack, but some days I don’t have class until 1 p.m., and those are just the best days for me to do an extended run. And, I have Yoga class every Tuesday, so that workout is kind of nonnegotiable.

Anyway, after my little panic attack last night, I recovered fairly well after I wrote about my anxiety. I didn’t do great yesterday (I ate about 3,500 calories: Yikes. Not exactly stellar for the first day of getting “back on track.”), but I didn’t eat over 5,000 calories like I did the day before, either. It’s funny, but last night I started eating and I thought, “Ah, no, this is going to be another binge.” But, it’s like, if I can stop eating for about five to 10 minutes, I just forget about food and go about my business. Sometimes, I feel like it’s easier not to eat at all then to start. Does that make sense?

I know I said I wasn’t going to weigh myself, but I sometimes I feel like not knowing how much I weigh in the aftermath of a splurge makes me more anxious. If I just follow my plan, though, I’ll be fine, and I want to eat well. So, why am I not confident in my resolve?

I don’t understand why some days I feel entirely in control, and others I just shake because I want to eat so badly. What’s the deal? And why is it so hard to just not eat? Like, today; I have to go to the movies today to review a film, and honestly, I just want to stay home so I don’t have to deal with being surrounded by a bunch of food that I can’t eat. On my way to the movies, I pass about a gabillion restaurants, a McDonald’s, a Wendy’s, the grocery store and my favorite ice cream shop, and then there’s the concession stand, itself. And some days, I could care less. But, today is a day that I just want to eat everything in sight. Maybe it’s just the stress, but regardless … I just don’t feel like fightin’ the urge, some days. And I get into a very dangerous mindset: On the one hand, Good Me wants to eat well so there is a minimal amount of time devoted to dieting following the holidays. But, Bad Me says, “Binge eat! You’re going to have to diet, anyway, so once you’re on it, what’s another two or three weeks?” And you might say, “Well, m’lady, why can’t you just have the ice cream, or just the candy from the stand?” ARE YOU CRAZY?! I have eaten terribly, lately! I am counting calories! If I were to have one of those things, I will have failed for the day, and then I may as well just eat everything! “But, that makes no sense.” SILENCE! THIS IS THE INTERNET! YOUR LOGIC HAS NO PLACE, HERE!

I just need to be dropped an island/placed in isolation for a year so I can lose the last few pounds and then learn to eat. Anyone have an island I can borrow?

Liar, Liar

It’s a good thing all my pants are still sopping wet, otherwise they would have spontaneously combusted this morning; yes, I weighed in today and that makes me a liar.

But, I just wanted to see if maybe I had eked into my goal range; technically, I don’t have to diet if I’m under 130, but anything between that and 129.5 is pushing it, a little. Fortunately, I was in my goal range this morning and didn’t gain in between yesterday and today, otherwise I would have been hell of upset with myself for putting myself in a mental place where I would obsess about my weight all weekend.

I’m back down to 129.1 (Hooray!), which means I’m only a tenth of a pound higher than before I binged. I’m really pleased with myself for not letting the binge spiral into a massive gain, which is what has happened the last several years whenever I hit my goal weight. I’m a little sad, though, because if I hadn’t binged I might have been in my 128s or lower when I went home for the weekend. But, whatevs! I’m in good shape and I just need to let  go of (but not forget) the past.

I wanted to run outdoors this morning, but thanks to Rude Person of the Laundry Room all my outdoor running gear is hella damp. But, maybe this is a blessing in disguise; a road run might aggravate my knee again, so it’s probably for the best that I’m going to have to run on the indoor track.

I hope that stupid recorder issue gets resolved today. I hate when stuff like that is hanging over my head, especially when I can’t do anything about it!

Well, I’m off!

See No Evil

So, originally I had said I was going to have an official “weigh day” on Thursday, but I’ve been tracking my weight since my binge and found that I was back down to 129.6 this morning. Of course, I was very pleased, but over the day I started to become really anxious that some minor fluctuation in my weight would throw me back over 130 by Thursday, even if I continued to eat well. I’m not sure why I became so anxious—maybe because the day turned out to be full of some small mishaps and I was anxious about those things, and the anxiety just spread to my weight—but I just decided to “lock in” my weight, if you will, and have today be my weigh in day and not weigh myself again before I go home. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. It probably sounds foolish—I’m not going to change how I eat for the next two days (I’m still going to count calories just to make sure I don’t go overboard before going home), but I’m not going to weigh myself again before I leave for home. As far as I’m concerned, I will weigh 129.6 pounds when I go to the wedding, and I’m pleased as punch.

I just … don’t feel like worrying about the scale for the next few days. Sometimes you just need a break from the numbers. Besides, Tuesdays are going to be my weigh in day between now and December (it just works out well with Thanksgiving/the days I go home), so I needed to switch to Tuesday weigh ins sometime!

Anyway, I’m going to give myself five days of intuitive eating this week and, who knows—maybe if I eat like a normal person, I won’t gain that much weight this weekend. I certainly shouldn’t, but I’m used to using celebratory events as an excuse to binge, and this weekend will be my first big test with intuitive eating.

My knee felt a little wonky today, and I’m worried I might have overdone it with my mileage this week. But, I only did some Yoga today, so I’m hoping I’ll be OK to go for my “Endurance” run tomorrow (every week, I have one running session where I do intervals and one where I just run for as long as I can). I’m looking forward to my run for a change; after today, I have some steam to blow off. The day started off well enough, but as the day progressed …

1. Some dude took issue with a lead in an article I wrote for the Justice. Whatevs. Everyone is a critic.

2. The girl who I wrote the article about claimed via an online comment that I misquoted her, even though I referenced a recorded interview whenever I quoted her. This really bothers me, because any future employers may Google me and see the comment and be all, “Oh hai this chick cant be trusted to quote ppl proprly.” That, and I would never quote someone unless I were 100% sure the quote was correct. Grr! My journalistic dignity!

3. The Brandeis library contacted me and told me I owed them $6 in overdue charges … for a recorder I returned on Saturday. WTF? They better not try to make me replace it: I do NOT have the money to pay for their inability to put things away.

4. The girl using the one operational dryer in our dorm decided to run her clothes through the dryer a SECOND TIME when I was waiting to dry my clothes. So, rather than let my clothes sit in the washing machine for an hour, I just decided to hang them up in my room. There are now undergarments everywhere. Thanks, rude person.

Aggravating day, begone! Is it time for bed yet?

Beating Boredom and the Binge

I almost didn’t run today but, as per usual, I’m glad I did: Initially, my legs felt like lead, but once I transitioned from the gym to the street (I warm up, if possible, on my school’s indoor track), I felt great, which is kind of ironic considering you would think hilly pavement would be a lot more challenging to run on then a cushy track. I think it has to do with the tedium of running in circles; I don’t mind walking/chillaxin’ on the indoor track, but when I run I really need either a) intervals or b) changing scenery to keep me distracted/from constantly checking how far I have left to run. I really plowed at the end of my run, though: I always have a point in mind when I start running as to where I can start cooling down, but today I went right past it. Thanks, “Bat Out of Hell” by Meatloaf—you’ll be going on next running mix.

I was pondering my problems with the scale on my run today, though, and realized after reading The Vegan Anti-Hero‘s comment on my last post that when I was eating intuitively and keeping casual tabs on my weight (i.e., weighing in once a week), I wasn’t flipping out over the small fluctuations: The fact of the matter is, some weeks you eat more and some weeks you eat less. However, when there are those big swings in my weight that are brought on by my binge eating, THAT’s when I have a problem. So, I guess I just need to stop those binge days, but sometimes (like last on Sunday), I get going and I don’t even really realize what I’m doing in the heat of the moment.

I have two questions for everyone today:

1) Do you run to music and, if so, what are your favorite running tunes?

2) How do you stop a binge? I want to eat like a normal person and stop having these weight/emotional fluctuations that send me back to calorie counting!

Edit: So, in my quest to find answers regarding the battle of the binge, I searched through the archives of some of my favorite blogs and found this post on Healthy and Sane. In the post, Elina describes the exact same dieting pattern I used to have (i.e., eating incredibly well six days a week and eating whatever you want the seventh) and how she, too, slipped up at first when starting intuitive eating. It’s definitely worth a read if you’re having difficulty with binge eating; personally, I’m surprised sometimes how many people have the same trouble. But, it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only who didn’t flawlessly transition from calorie counting to intuitive eating. Argh, I hope I’m back in my goal range, soon! I’m already tired of calorie counting again and I want to give intuitive eating another go!

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