Cemetery Blues

I enjoy my job at the cemetery. No, really! When I get up in the morning and say, “UGH BLERGH WORK,” it is just my horribly whiny knee-jerk reaction to the idea that I have to do something besides sit on my ass that day. And, when I get a phone call saying, “Nope, there hasn’t been any rain so the grass isn’t growing so there isn’t any work,” I’m reminded of the fact that I really need to shut my mouth, get rid of the negativity and just be grateful for the fact that I do have work. Oh, and just in case you’re wondering, I’m waxing reflective because I did get such a phone call this morning.

Yep … in light of this, I do realize that I really need to stop talking myself out of things/being so negative about work, social happenings,* things I have to do, etc. Honestly, I think I would enjoy my life a lot more if I just put a stop to mentally building everything up into a huge chore, because 90% I get to work/go to an event I was dreading and find myself saying, “Oh! This isn’t so bad.”

Anyway, with my surprise week off from work (which hopefully won’t turn into a two-weeks off from work) I’ve decided to catch up on my summer reading. Here’s what my “reading log” for the near future looks like:

1. Day After Night, Anita Diamant (I’m currently working on this, and I’m not sure how I feel about it, yet; when I went to a speaking-event featuring Diamant, she described the novel as being an introduction to the history of Israel and that it was for people who didn’t know very much about the nation’s origins. And yet, I feel that you kind of need some background in WWII/Palestine’s history to have a full understanding of the book.)

2. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson (Everyone and their brother is talking about it, so I guess I’ll read it. Stop judging me.)

3. Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez (I love Marquez’s style of writing and his inclusion of magical elements in a realistic setting, so I think it’s about time I read what is probably his best known work.)

4. Wolf Hall, Hilary Mantel (I’ve actually had this book lying around for months, but since I bought it while I was still up at school and thus tied up with required reading, I never got around to reading it. Mmm, historical fiction focusing on the Tudors. I love them, don’t you? I don’t know why, but I’ve always been vaguely obsessed with Henry VIII and his unfortunate wives.)

I don’t know why, but I really enjoy planning out what I’m going to read next; it’s like, “Haha! Look at how intellectual my future is going to be! Suck it, stupidity!”

In other news, I went to the gym twice today, but I only made the second venture because I desperately needed to get out of the house (I enjoy my days off, but I hate being idle for extended periods of time; I feel like if I haven’t earned my time off, I can’t enjoy it) and also because I needed to burn off some PMS-anxiety (For some reason, I always get super anxious around my lady times. Right now, I’m obsessing about the prospect of not having work once my season cemetery job ends in September). Also, if I didn’t get out the house, I was definitely going to eat 100% of everything.

Do you have any bad “mental habits?” What are you reading at the moment?

* Yeah, most people probably find these enjoyable, but I’ve developed some kind of social anxiety, as I’ve mentioned before. Honestly, I worry a bit about myself; I can’t seem to get out of my own way to get out and do social things. Part of me says, “Well, what’s there really to do, anyway? Most people your age go to bars for social interaction, and you don’t drink!” But, on the other hand, I feel like I’m just making excuses for my anti-social behavior. WHAT’S A TEETOTALING LADY TO DO?!?

The Return of the Calorie Count and Censoring Sex Crimes

Hey, dudes/ladies, check out this adorable-as-all-hell travel mug I bought for myself at Newbury Comics on my birthday shopping trip.

I brought it with me on my grocery shopping trip this morning, and looked classy as a mofo.At the moment, I am drinking copious amounts of green tea out of it in an attempt to flush out the massive quantities of bloat I acquired in between yesterday and today; yep, I gained 3.4 pounds overnight, and am now 130.6. Peachy, no? Of course, yesterday, I was voluntarily going to count calories beginning today, but now that I actually have to, I am like, “NOOOOOO THIS IS SO UNNATURAL, LIKE TWIMOMS, SERIOUSLY THOSE WOMEN ARE WAY TOO OLD TO LOVE ON TAYLOR LAUTNER THAT IS BORDERLINE PEDOPHILIA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”

Blergh. Of course, I am sure it is just water retention and that it is nigh impossible to gain that much weight overnight. Regardless, I am sorry for the mad repetitive binge-oriented posts as of late; when I get stressed out about one thing, I tend to stress out about everything else in my life, too. It is like my stress is the common cold, and “fear of the return of binge eating”-thoughts are that kid in your class who has the really bad immune system and always gets sick, and all my other thoughts are like, “Ugh why does he come to class when he is sick, vacation is coming up I hope I don’t get sick,” but they do. And, when I do get stressed out about a thing, I tend to obsesses over it and basically repeat the same thoughts on it over and over like a broken record.

Anyway, yesterday definitely was a binge. I’m not sure why I seem to have intuitive eating down on most days of the week but not on celebratory days/holidays. Maybe it’s because while I was dieting, I gave myself a pass to binge on said days? Ah, well. I guess all I can do is chalk it up to a learning experience and just be better prepared as the next holiday rolls around.

“But, Elizabeth, you said you were stressed about a thing. TELL US.”

Oh, blog readers, you’re so thoughtful/concerned! Or just vile gossip mongers, you bastards. Whatever, I’ll tell you anyway.

As some of you may know/recall, I recently started working as a radio anchor/reporter. This is (was?) a pretty cool thing as it is what I went to school for, but something happened last Saturday that has me mild to moderately concerned: Long story short, I aired a news piece I had pulled off the AP wire* that was about a Massachusetts priest who had been arrested for soliciting sex. I got hell of chewed out by my boss (“We don’t air smut,” “That’s not what our audience wants to hear,” etc.), and was informed that the stations on which I broadcast news generally avoid stories on “sex scandals, rape, [and] child pornography.”

On the one hand, I understand the our news airs on entertainment/music stations and now dedicated news stations, but on the other hand I’m troubled that we’re a) censoring content and b) grouping together stories about sex scandals and rape. It just makes me uneasy, and my job feels trivial; are we only supposed to feed people fluff?

What are your thoughts regarding stories on sex crimes? Do you expect “softer” news when you’re listening to an entertainment station rather than a station dedicated to news/talk?

* For those who are unfamiliar with how news works, many media outlets (e.g., newspapers, radio stations, etc.) use stories by the Associated Press (i.e. the AP, an extensive news agency) in their broadcasts or publications, since most news sources don’t have the resources to send their journalists all across the country. For example, the company I work for would never send a reporter all the way to the G-20 summit in Toronto, so instead we’d use a story on it by the AP for our national news segment.

Down the Hatch/Tubes

It was like the perfect storm, but with more candy and less water.

I was set to go out to breakfast on Sunday, and the day before, a bag of ill-bought Reese’s cups depleted the calories I had been saving for said breakfast. Sunday, my frustration over my lack of self-control combined with sleep deprivation combined with stress combined with PMS to form … the perfect binge.

Dudes, I had gone ten weeks without bingeing. I thought I was golden. Then, WHA-BHAM! I consume 6,000 calories in one day. WTH?

Even now, four days later, I’m still hell of pissed off about it. Now, I’m not mad about any weight I may have gained (I was below range the last time I weighed in, after all, and it was just one day), but rather the lack of intuitive eating I practiced/the random eating I did. Basically, I went back to cupboard diving and ended up eating random, non-worthwhile P.O.S. foods like slices of bread. Plus, had I not binged and just had ONE thing, I could have had a pint of ice cream every day this week for the amount of calories I ate that one day. And, trust me, I would have much rather have had a treat per day than one day of stuffing myself and subsequently restricting. BUT, I ALWAYS FORGET THIS ARBDFHSDFSDJFH.

Ah, well. At least it didn’t turn into a multiple-day binge. In light of this, though, and the fact that I’ve been feeling really weak/rundown lately (like, “going to bed at 9 p.m. and feeling sore all the time”-weak) I was thinking of doing one of a couple of things for the summer, or until I’m done with my very physically demanding job at the cemetery:

a) Eat a bit more on a daily basis. Of course, this sounds like the most fun option, but I don’t want to get accustomed to a certain culinary lifestyle, so to speak, only to have to cut back come fall.

b) Indulge a bit every day. Quix left a great anti-binge tip on my last post; that is, indulge a bit every day in something small to keep from over-doing it like I did. And, the fact of the matter is, I am pretty restrictive on a day to day basis. But, I definitely can’t keep some things—like candy, evidently—in the house. What are you favorite small sweets that you keep around/can eat in moderation?

c) Exercise a bit less. I’m kind of hesitant to cut back on my exercise (for reasons I’ll go into another post coming up soon), but I feel like it’ll be easier to increase my exercise again than it would be to decrease my chomps come fall. So, I’m 90% sure that I’m going to go with this option and have a “taper week” every other week rather than every three weeks. I’d also like to allow myself some more splurges, but now my trust in my self-control is kind of obliterated. And yet, I’m thinking of finally giving up calorie counting, cold turkey.

After this weekend’s binge incident, which was essentially inspired by a “lack of calories” that should not even have been taken into consideration, because being at my maintenance weight means any calorie-oriented limits are merely guidelines, I’ve come to the conclusion that calorie counting while at my maintenance weight is keeping me from truly eating intuitively. I’m a little hesitant to give it up, though, as I feel like calorie counting is kind of like a speedometer—without it, I wouldn’t know I was eating too much/driving too fast until I gained weight/got a ticket. But, if I’m truly eating intuitively, I shouldn’t gain a massive amount of weight in between weigh-ins, anyway. And, getting rid of calorie counting would set me up to eat more according to true cravings/needs rather than according to numbers. But, I’m scurred. How will I know if I can consume certain “extras” in a day, like a glass of milk, an extra serving of rice or a cookie from a co-worker?* I know how to eat, though; it’s not like I’ll eat donuts on Monday, forget about it, and eat a pint of ice cream on Tuesday. I’ve also maintained my weight for about two months, now, and for most of that time I haven’t been calculating how many calories I’ve eating during the day until the end of the day.

What do you dudes think? Have any of you spent years calorie counting, only to give it up? I’m wondering, though, if I shouldn’t set up some rules for myself if I do give up calorie counting (e.g., only one “indulgence” per day, which I should be following, regardless—if I had followed this rule on Sunday, I’d be a lot better off, that’s for sure). Any suggestions?

THIS POST NEEDS MORE BOLD TEXT. OK, I’m done, now.

*OK, I would probably not eat this cookie regardless, unless it was a commercial cookie and I saw the package it came out of it. Homemade, though? Lord knows where that cookie has been/what the kitchen it was made in looks like. Gross.

Positive Reinforcement

PHEW. OK, I finally have a few moments.

Post-graduate life has been hell of busy. Shortly after starting my job at the cemetery, I began my journalism job and immediately picked up a few extra shifts. The result was working 12 days in a row, and even now I’m still feeling a bit overwhelmed, having not quite gotten into the groove, yet. Anyway, I’m not really sure how I feel about my radio position, still, but that’s a post for another time.

Anyway, here’s today’s weigh-in results:

Last Week’s Weight (which I didn’t post about—oops): 126.3 (Weight Watchers Scale)/125.7 (Tanita)

Today’s Weight: 126.6 (WW)/125.8 (T)

Average Daily Caloric Intake: 1,830

Funny, when I don’t eat all my calories and am very active, I actually gain a bit. Though, according to the Tanita scale, my body fat percentage went from 22.6 to 21.3, though who knows how accurate that measurement is. But, maybe the gain is from over-exercising? In addition to my regular exercise routine, I’ve been doing approximate two hours of weed-whacking a day three times a week. Hm. Not only that, but I’ve been lifting/running and I really don’t feel like I’m getting any more fit.

Regardless, I am bidding adieu to the Weight Watcher’s scale, as I am convinced that it steadily weighs you heavier than you actually are in order to convince you that you still need the help of Weight Watchers. Yes, it is a conspiracy. BUT, when I first bought the WW scale, it weighed me a pound lighter than the Tanita scale! So, how do you explain that it now weighs me 8/10 of a pound heavier AND says I gained 3/10 of a pound this week, while the Tanita says I gained only 1/10 of a pound? Eh? EH?! IT’S A RACKET, I TELL YOU.

Anyway, in the last few stressful weeks, I’ve realized that good habits kind of need to be reinforced when you relocate. It sounds odd, but it’s like I had learned not deal with school-related stress through food, but I need to reinforce that good habit after moving back home and encountering a new kind of stress. For example: After being through into the radio realm, going without a day of rest and not exactly loving my new job, I was ready to eat the shingles off the house. One morning I got up with a raging appetite, and I basically gave myself permission to binge. By 8 a.m., I already had in mind what noms I was going to chomp/make myself sick on. Keep in mind that at this point, I had last binged about nine weeks ago—I thought I was golden, having made it through the (even-more) stressful time that was the final exam/paper period. But, here I was back home, ready to binge. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, as my binge eating originated at home during high school. Still, I am now less than pleased that I gave myself permission to self-treat with food, even though I ultimately ended up not doing so; fortunately, it seems some intuitive eating instincts have developed and kicked in that day, as when I went and got a sundae for lunch, I consumed it and said, “Oof, I’m full/satisfied.” And the rest of the day was healthy.

Moral of the Story: Bad habits never seem to be entirely banished. I feel like I did myself a really big favor, though, by not going back to binge eating as a way to deal with stress, even the one time, because that one time is never just one time.

Blergh, work tomorrow—what do you dudes have planned for your weekend? Sunday, I’m hoping to just sit on my ass and play video games. I hope it’s not sunny that day; whenever I stay inside on the weekend, I always feel guilty if the sun is out.

Weigh-In Day: Weeks of May 7th and 14th

I didn’t really have any expectations/worries going into today’s weigh-in … I basically ate an average of 20 fewer calories per day than I needed for maintenance, but last week was also my first “taper week” (wherein I replaced a 7-mile run with a day of active rest), so I figured it would all even out.

Weight as of April May 7th: 127.9

Today’s Weight: 126.2 (?!)

Loss/Gain: 1.7

Average Daily Caloric Intake: 1,880

Exercise:

05/07: 5-mile walk + 40-minute weightlifting session
05/08: 7-mile run/walk
05/09: 2-mile run + 1-hour weightlifting session
05/10: 7-mile walk
05/11: 7-mile run/walk + 20-minute weightlifting session
05/12: Yoga
05/13: 1-hour aerobics tape

05/14: 7-mile run/walk + 20-minute weightlifting session
05/15: Yoga
05/16: 5-mile walk + 40-minute weightlifting session
05/17: 7-mile run/walk
05/18: Yoga
05/19: 2-mile run + 1-hour weightlifting session
05/20: 45-minute aerobics tape

… Aaaand, I have no idea how that happened. Basically, I can only think of the following explanations:

a) My body has adjusted to more calories, and that amount that I’ve been eating for “maintenance” (1,900 calories per day)  isn’t actually how much I need for maintenance.

b) Sometimes, less exercise when you’ve been overexercising = weight loss. Maybe my body just really badly needed an extra day off?

c) I’ve been more active. But, I highly doubt that two days of cemetery work (which consists of riding a mower and doing about two hours of weed-whacking per day) and moving out of my dorm makes for over a pound and a half of loss, especially since I’ve been walking less since getting home; When I was up at school, I walked everywhere, but now I can just hop in my car whenever I need to go to the store, etc.

d) IT’S A TRAP! … I mean, fluke.

Regardless, I’m not going to look a gift loss in the numbers, and I’m certainly not going to complain about basically being able to gain three pounds before I have to do any kind of “diet” related thang. But, if my weight drops any lower, I’m going to have to go on a … weight gain diet.

/angelic chorus

Anyway, I am hell of nervous about starting my new job tomorrow. But, I’m not so much nervous about the work, itself, as I am about the schedule/being able to chomp. “What if they don’t let me go right at 7 p.m.? What if I get too hungry? WHAT IF I CAN’T SNACK?” … How did I get so schedule-oriented at 21 years old? Jeeze! Also, self, it’s not like you’re going to starve to death if you have to wait an extra hour for dinner. I worry about the most ridiculous things.

What makes you anxious?

Restaurant Reluctance

Alright, now that I have all my grades in my possession, I can officially say that I have graduated. Thanks, professors, for not secretly hating me and failing me as a way by which to express your hidden distaste for my person.*

Of course, graduating means celebrating, and in light of the fact that my mum wanted to take me out to lunch to do so, I’ve come to the realization that I’ve developed a major aversion to restaurants. The reason for this is twofold:

1) The first reason—which is actually much more minor than the second—is my “fear of the unknown,” I reckon. It’s like I’d rather sit down with a pint of ice cream than a healthy grilled chicken entree at a restaurant because at least I know how many calories the ice cream has, whereas CALORIES COULD BE LURKING ANYWHERE IN THAT CHICKEN OMG I BET IT IS SECRETLY STUFFED WITH BUTTER. But, like I said, this is a minor concern, and I also am totally aware that the calories in everything can be reasonably estimated, and what do I care if I’m off by a few hundred calories? And, I (hopefully) won’t be counting calories forever, anyway. Bottom line: If someone said to me, “ELIZABETH WE ARE GOING TO A RESTAURANT RIGHT NOW AND YOU WILL LIKE IT,” I wouldn’t totally lose my shit.

2) The major reason I no longer like restaurants is that the better care I take of myself, the less I want to feel gross. And, restaurant food makes me feel gross 90% of the time. When I think of food, now, I think of it like fuel/what kind of affect it’ll have on my physical capabilities, and the last thing I want to dump in my tummy the day before a 7-mile stint is a bunch of fat and grease that’s going to make me slog along like someone who has had a ball of lead take up residence in their intestinal tract (this is along the same reasoning as to why I no longer have the urge to binge, either). Also, I find that restaurant food rarely lives up to my expectations, and I would rather have something that I am able to prepare myself exactly how I want it. ALSO, restaurant food is expensive! Man, you go out for a meal, and you could have bought a t-shirt for the amount of money you dropped on an overcooked steak.**

But, I reckon that going to restaurants is kind of like dating; you tell everyone you’re not into it at the moment, and then a really great Thai place/an attractive firefighter shows up in your town and you’re the first one wantin’ the Pad Thai, if you know what I mean. But, no, seriously though, I’d probably want to go out to eat if there was actually somewhere appealing to dine in my general vicinity, but most of the eateries around here aren’t exactly mad delicious.

Regardless of my reasons, though, I felt kind of abnormal saying I’d rather stay home and have a home cooked meal than go out to eat. But, my eating habits have been the focus of other people over the years (My ex’s friends, for example, always used to make fun of me for choosing skim milk at breakfast. Why do people feel the need to draw everyone’s attention to things like your food choices? Peh), so I guess it has just made me paranoid that other people may perceive my choices as being motivated by restrictive tendencies and consequently think of me differently.

A side note: I totally made/reviewed that Parmesan risotto, dudes, but I forgot to take a picture for the entry! I’m going to make it again this week, though, so I’ll post the review once you can … see what the food looks like, too, I guess?

Do you prefer home cooked food or restaurant cuisine? Have your food choices ever challenged, discussed or made fun of by others?

* By the way, professors, if you had done this I would have just re-enrolled in your class next semester and been horribly disruptive every class. Just so you know.

** I measure all purchases in terms of how many articles of clothing I could have bought for the same amount of money. So, if someone buys something ridiculous/hell of expensive, I will have to exclaim that they could have purchased FIVE PAIRS OF PANTS or something WHAT WERE THEY THINKING.

Exiting into a Beginning

Dear Reader(s?),

You have my apologies for the recent lack of posts; unfortunately, I am in the midst of my final ten days at university (!), and this entails writing papers, writing more papers and taking exams. Also, packing. Also, boiling all my water, because the town in which I currently reside as well as bunch of other communities in the surrounding area are currently working with a broken water pipe that is apparently giving us water unsafe for drinking. Fun, yes?

Anyway, I am hoping that once I am gradumacated and living my exciting post-education journalist life, I will have both a) more things to write about and b) more motivation to write. At the moment, though, the last thing I feel like doing after sitting in front of a laptop all day putting together essays is writing blog posts. Alas. Bear with me, though, and hopefully things will pick up again here at AWI. I’ll still try to post product reviews if I try anything new/have the time, and I’ll put up my weigh-ins.

By the way, I am currently DREADING this Friday’s check-in; I haven’t weighed in since April 23rd, which is good, but this also means I have no idea whether I’m maintaining or gaining or losing. I’ve been following my plan to a T (i.e. eating 50 more calories per day each week), but even when I did that upon starting maintenance last time, I still gained a bit the first week. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind a wee gain at all, I just hope I don’t get on the scale come Friday and find that 1,700 calories per day was actually how much I needed to maintain and that I’ve spent the last two weeks putting poundage back on. Blergh.

Intuitive Eating: A Pain in the Ass

The title of this blog is “A Woman’s Intuition,” and part of the reason I initially started it was to work through—once I was done losing weight—my food anxieties so that I could ultimately start eating intuitively. Well, I’m trying to do that now; I’m still counting calories, but I’m really trying to eat only when I’m hungry and to eat when I’m hungry even if I don’t have the calories. So far, I’ve been succeeding on the former point, but it’s proved to be moderately inconvenient.

My classes fall right after meal times, which was convenient during my “scheduled eating” dieting days because I’d eat my lunch at 12 p.m., regardless of hunger level, trot off to class and be back to my dorm by snack time. But, now that I’m trying to eat intuitively, things don’t go as smoothly. Take today, for instance:

“Hm, it’s noon. But, I don’t have a hunger. That’s OK! I’ll just do some work and maybe be hungry in a bit.”

“Hm, 12:30 … still not hungry. Oooh, Kotaku has a picture of the guy they based Mario from Super Mario Brothers on!”

“SHIT IT’S 1 P.M. I HAVE TO GET TO CLASS SHIT I HAVEN’T EATEN I NEED TO PACK A THING TO EAT GODDAMMIT”

Granted, I’m not complaining about not being hungry: It’s pretty cool just listening to your body and learning about how much you really need, but apparently intuitive eating means I need to be more … flexible/prepared when thinking about my meals for the day.

Regardless, like I said, I’ve been doing pretty well only eating when I’m hungry, but I’m not sure if there are days where I should make myself eat. Yesterday, for example, I only ate 1,350 calories (because that was all I was hungry for) and, after having eaten breakfast, lunch and dinner today, I’ve still only had 1,185 calories. Is this just part of intuitive eating and how people don’t gain weight? Or, is there a bare minimum of calories I should eat, regardless? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Also, I haven’t really come into a situation, yet, where I’ve been hungry and not had enough calories, and I feel like that’s where I’m going to struggle. But, I’ve been counting calories or Points for almost six years now, so I guess I shouldn’t expect to get over all my anxieties/attachments overnight.

P.S. – It is really annoying when, during final exam/essay season, your roommates think the best idea in the world is to play their music really loudly. It is like, this is what headphones are for, and just because you really like your music doesn’t mean I do, too. Personally, I’m one of those people who likes TOTAL SILENCE when working. Regardless, I should really tell her to turn it down or just shut up about it, but no one wants to be the complainer, you know?

Torture by Scale

I made the mistake of weighing myself this morning, thus simultaneously breaking one of my goals for the week and throwing myself into a state of hyper-anxiety.

First Thought: “131?!”

Second Thought: “BLOO HOO HOO WHYYYYY”

Third Thought: “WAIT. The last time you were at this point in your cycle*, didn’t you lose 1.8 pounds in between Thursday and Friday? And today’s Wednesday, so everything is fine!”

Fourth Thought: “WAIT. Last week, I only lost .9 of a pound in between Wednesday and weigh-in day. I’M GOING TO GAIN THIS WEEK AHHHHHH.”

I know better than to do this to myself. You see, I’m 90% sure the scale and my body are in cahoots and enjoy screwing with me, and I know that I’m just as likely to lose three pounds before Friday as I am to gain three pounds. And yet, I can’t help but climb on the scale during the week. Le sigh. And, of course, this weigh-in will now be accompanied by a million more weigh-ins: It’s like I need to check every .05 second to see if I’ve lost, now.

ALRIGHT, NEW GOAL: Only weigh myself ONCE A DAY in between now and Friday. If I have to weigh myself, at least do it only once a day, you know?

Still, looking at my current gain, I have to wonder why it’s the weeks we try the hardest that we seem to lose the least amount of weight. It’s like, if I knew I was going to gain, I would have just done it the old fashioned way and overeaten.

Ah, well. Maybe my body has a magic “two-pounds-in-two-days” loss up it’s sleeve. But, I reckon if the worst thing to happen to me in my present life is that I gain weight this week and have to wait to start maintenance, I’m pretty damn fortunate.

P.S. – Was anyone else mildly disappointed by “Glee” last night? The whole “Hello” theme felt kind of forced, at times, especially when Finn gave that spiel before singing “Hello, I Love You.”

* Sorry, dudes.

Obey Me!

If I’m not within goal range by Friday, I’ll be moderately surprised simply because of the sheer amount of  energy I’ve been putting into willing my body to lose half a pound; seriously, every 10 to 15 minutes I’m mentally yelling, “BODY! YOU WILL WEIGH 129.5 POUNDS OR LOWER BY THE NEXT WEIGH-IN AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!”

At this point, though, I’m not looking to be at my goal weight for vanity reasons, but simply on account of my desire to be done losing weight. I’m happy with how I look; I feel like I appear healthy, strong and as though I’ve acquired a nice set of curves. From an aesthetic standpoint, I could care less if I drop another pound … Now, it’s just about that (foolish) number.

Granted, I could probably take the mentally healthier route and stop dieting and stop fixating on the number and be done at any time I please, but at this point I’m so close I figure I might as well finish the job. I think I might lose it, though, if I don’t lose that last half pound this week; I think dieting was more tolerable when I was five pounds away from my goal weight rather than .5 a pound away, to be honest. It’s like the closer I get, the more I simply CANNOT WAIT to wake up in the morning and not worry about how many calories I have available that day, or whether certain foods will make me retain water and keep me from my goal for the week, or all the other ridiculous considerations that come with being on a diet and trying to achieve a certain amount of weight loss per week. PAH.

Will I always be health conscious? Probably. But, I’m ready to no longer be calorie conscious.

In other news, here is a picture of Serena Williams, who is 5′ 9″ and weighs 150 pounds:

[Source]

She’s a strong, powerful athlete, and she looks fantastic. And yet, most models her height weigh around 30 pounds less, or about 120 pounds. Why are women being told they should look like the latter rather than the former?

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