Weigh-In and Warcraft

YEAH LET’S DO THIS

Last Week’s Weight: 130.6

Today’s Weight: 127.2

Loss/Gain: 3.2 pounds

This Week’s Exercise Schedule:

07/02: 7-mile run/walk + 20-minute weightlifting session
07/03: Yoga
07/04: 5-mile walk + 40-minute weightlifting session
07/05: 7-mile walk/run
07/06: 2-mile walk, 1-hour weightlifting session, 20-minute arc trainer session, 10-minute rowing machine session
07/07: 7-mile run/walk
07/08: 45-minute aerobic tape

Huzzah, right in the middle of my maintenance range! Poifect, and not too shabby considering I spent most of my week sitting on my ass, mourning the loss of this week’s pay check. It was nice to do a bit of a sugar-detox, too, even though I only made it until Wednesday sans dessert. I broke upon sighting the Dairy Queen (hey, I hadn’t had my annual “IT’S SUMMER” Blizzard, yet. Although, I’m not sure the Blizzard was the best treat to break the detox with: I remember them as being really tasty, and although the ingredients in my Georgia Mud Fudge Blizzard [Pecan and brownie pieces with vanilla soft serve] were fresher than one of those feisty, up-and-coming rappers I can never understand, the ice cream itself just tasted like … cold. Seriously, no flavor to it whatsover. Has anyone else had this happen?).

In other news, my week off spurred to do two things, one of which was productive, one of which was not:

1) I got a new job! Not one to replace my radio job, unfortunately, which I have to do tomorrow and have built WAY UP IN MY MIND to be horrible, but one to replace my seasonal job once it ends. Huzzah! It’s at a local coffee shop (not a chain, but a legit, “we-bake-our-own-donuts,” coffee shop), and I’m looking forward to having a job that puts me amongst people for the day. ‘Twill be good for me. And, I get to keep my cemetery job until the end of the season. HOWEVER, the coffee shop people are going to begin training me on the days I’m not working at the cemetery, so it looks like I might be working seven days a week sometimes. Ah, well, it’s only temporary.

2) I re-activated my World of Warcraft account. Derp. I started playing two (three?) years ago after my ex-fiance turned me onto it, but I quit a few months back when I found myself hating scheduled gametime* and the repetitive nature of the game. So, why did I go back? I have no idea! Mostly, I think, because I may have given up being social just a little bit in Real Life. Le sigh. ANYWAY! On a more cheerful note, if you play WoW and want to do an in-game blogger meet-up (which is way cooler than a RL blogger meet-up, PSH), then drop a comment, ja? Of course, I’m not sure how long this WoW stint will last, so … act now, I guess?

In conclusion, I leave you with a family photo:

This is a picture of my character and my mother’s when both of us were around level 50 (I’m on the right; warlock win). Aww! Memories. Also, yes, my mother and I play WoW together. Isn’t that nice?

* For those of you unfamiliar with the game, you have bring together many players (sometimes up to 40) in order to complete higher “levels” in WoW. So, if you want to complete these areas of the game, you have to sign on for scheduled “raids,” as it’s really quite difficult to just put together a random group of people at a random time.

Product Review: Ben & Jerry’s “Hannah Teter’s Maple Blondie”

Product Description: Maple Ice Cream with Blonde Brownie Chunks & a Maple Caramel Swirl

[Source]

I hope you know how difficult my life became as a result of your lack of voting; it is SO HARD choosing an ice cream for yourself, I don’t think you understand this. Regardless, I made it through the difficult times and ended up with neither one of the options I presented, and I instead picked Ben & Jerry’s Hannah Teter’s Maple Blondie for myself. It is a “Limited Edition” flavor, and I hope that by the time you read this review they are no longer selling it in your area as punishment for your non-voting offenses, you lazy bastard.

I’d like to say that I picked this pint up in an act of good will (part of the sales from this flavor go towards Hannah’s Gold, Teter’s charity, which helps fund projects in Africa), but really I just saw it and decided that it would be the best weapon against combatting my craving for something tooth-rottingly sweet.

When I ripped off the lid, I was greeted immediately by a generous maple caramel swirl and a significant blondie chunk (if you look closely at the picture below, you can see said chunk lurking just below the surface of the ice cream in the bottom right portion of the pint).

Mmmm, so inviting.

I dug in, and was pleasantly surprised to find that this did not taste excessively of syrup: The ice cream is maple flavored, but not in a cloyingly sweet, Mrs. Butterworth’s kind of way. Basically, imagine sweet cream ice cream flavored with the most delicate, high quality maple syrup you’ve ever had—that’s what this ice cream tastes like. And, as for the maple caramel swirl, itself, it too was not excessively sweet; instead, it tasted predominately of the maple I just described but with with subtle caramel undertones. I had been expecting caramel akin to that which you’d find in a cheap candy bar, so the flavor of the swirl was unexpected, but welcome.

My only gripe with this ice cream was with the blondie chunks. They were a bit chewy for my taste, and while they had a nice brown sugar flavor,  it was difficult to detect at times as the blondies, themselves, seemed to have absorbed the maple syrup essence. So, rather than providing a nice flavor contrast, they instead blended into the background, taste-wise.

Also, if you’ve been reading On Second Scoop or any of several other food blogs, lately, you may have noticed that some writers went to the Ben & Jerry’s factory recently and received the following tip: In order to mimic that “just off the line” flavor/texture, you should leave your pint of ice cream out for a few minutes before eating it. Well, seeing as how it takes me twenty minutes to walk from the grocery store to my dorm, I inadvertently did this today, and I must say, it made a HUGE difference. Usually, I get on Ben & Jerry’s back for having ice cream that isn’t as creamy as other premium ice creams, but I think it’s just a matter of temperature. When I indulged in this flavor today, it was the creamiest pint of Ben & Jerry’s I’ve ever had, and I apologize for my previous attacks on the quality of their ice cream’s texture. However, I will say that twenty minutes probably isn’t necessary to achieved the desired effect (my pint was a little too melty)—ten minutes will probably suffice.

Choices, Choices

I love sugar. And, I would love to review more sugary products for you, so on Thursday I will probably venture out to get a pint of ice cream to soothe my final exam/essay oriented anxieties. But, there are two new products that I want to try that I can’t decide between, and I obviously can’t eat two pints of ice cream,* so instead I am going to let you choose. This way, I don’t have to put forth the immense amount of effort that would be required to choose which variety of ice cream to eat, and if I’m disappointed with said variety, then I can just blame my disappointment on the Internet. Yay!

POLL: OMG WHAT SHOULD I EAT?

Haagen-Daaz’s Pralines and Creme (This seems to be a flavor exclusive to the United Kingdom as it’s not featured on the U.S. website, but judging by the pint of said flavor that has mysteriously appeared in my local Walgreen’s freezer, I am guessing they are test driving it over here.)

OR

Ben & Jerry’s Milk and Cookies (Everyone and their brother seems to think this delicious. I WILL BELIEVE IT WHEN I TASTE IT.)

In conclusion: Leave a comment telling me what I should eat/review! I know you want to. Also, you are already on this blog and thus must have nothing better to do, you might as well just vote and humor me while you’re here.

* Well, technically I could; when I gained my “Freshman 15,” it was mostly as a result of my consuming two to three pints of Ben & Jerry’s in a day. Yeah, I know, right? Impressive.

Edit: Apparently, the Pralines and Creme is exclusive to Walgreen’s, and the U.S. version has caramel in it instead of toffee. Personally, I would prefer the toffee, but, whatevas. Also, no one is voting! Come on, help an indecisive lady out.

Product Review: Haagen-Dazs’ Amaretto Almond Crunch Ice Cream

Product Description: Crispy almond brittle enveloped in smooth amaretto ice cream creates a rich and crunchy sensation.

[Source]

I’m a teetotaler, but for some reason I love alcohol in my desserts; if there’s a cake or an ice cream out there that tastes like it could get me smashed if it were in drink form, then chances are good that I am going to love it. So, when I spotted Haagen-Dazs’ Amaretto Almond Crunch Ice Cream, I bought it faster than you can say “rum cake,” particularly since I have been searching for a suitable replacement for my former alcoholic dessert of choice, “Vermonty Python,” which has been discontinued by some idiot.

When I cracked open my pint of Amaretto Almond Crunch, I was immediately greeted by the pleasant (but not overpoweringly alcoholic), sweet smell of amaretto and a cream-colored ice cream studded with almond brittle.

Mmmm, doesn’t that look delicious? Personally, I thought it looked so tasty I a) couldn’t resist taking a few bites before snapping a picture and b) was so excited to eat more I couldn’t be bothered to take a non-blurry picture (Whatever, you dudes have imaginations; I’m sure you can mentally Photoshop a complete, not-fuzzy pint of ice cream. You should thank my hasty photography for forcing you to stimulate your brain. YOU ARE WELCOME.)

But, anyway, as I’m sure you can gather from point “b,” this stuff was ah-mazing. The ice cream—in typical Haagen-Dazs fashion—was exceptionally creamy, and put the texture of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream to shame. And, it tasted like it smelled; not overly alcoholic, but delightfully sweet with just the right touch of amaretto and almond/marzipan flavor. Although, while I personally liked the taste of the almond brittle—it was certainly crispy and had a sugary, caramel flavor, and there was plenty of the stuff scattered throughout the pint—I would have liked a softer mix-in (think almond cookies and marzipan a la Ben & Jerry’s “Mission to Marzipan“), but that’s just my personal preference and shouldn’t reflect poorly on Haagen-Dazs’ unexpectedly high-quality candy. Indeed, even though I say I would have preferred the ice cream include aforementioned mix-ins, I still thought the brittle provided a nice contrast to the sharp amaretto ice cream with its more mellow, brown sugar-flavored crunch.

Be wary of this flavor, though, as it is highly addictive; since my initial purchase of this ice cream a week ago, I’ve since had two more pints of the stuff. Whatever, I didn’t want a waistline, anyway.

Product Review: Ben & Jerry’s Mud Pie Ice Cream

When Ben & Jerry’s discontinued their “Vermonty Python” flavor, I just about flipped my shit.

No more “coffee liqueur ice cream with a chocolate cookie crumb swirl and fudge cows?” Like hell! And so, every day for approximately a year, I sent a letter to the company DEMANDING that they bring back my tasty, tasty treat.

“ARE YOU MAD. VERMONTY PYTHON WAS YOUR BEST FLAVOR.”

“WHY DO YOU KEEP PUTTING OUT NEW FLAVORS WITH CARAMEL. ARE YOU IN CAHOOTS WITH THE CARAMEL COMPANY I AM ON TO YOU.”

“SERIOUSLY YOU HAVE NO OTHER COFFEE FLAVORS BRING BACK VERMONTY PYTHON.”

And, yes, they were in all caps. I really like ice cream. Also, I am 90% sure there is someone at Ben & Jerry’s who is now mentally scarred because of my demands. I am OK with this.

Anyway, when the company recently released “Mud Pie,” I was pretty FRICKIN’ EXCITED, since the product description strongly resembled that of “Vermonty Python”: “Mud Pie” is described as “chocolate and coffee liqueur ice creams swirled together with a chocolate cookie swirl,” which is pretty much just “Vermonty Python” but with chocolate ice cream instead of fudge cows (which I wasn’t too fond of, anyway).

Unfortunately, “Mud Pie” failed to achieve the same delicious heights as its fallen brethren. To begin, the mixed ice cream flavor falls victim to “flavor disproportion” syndrome, which entails having much more of one flavor of ice cream than the other. In the case of “Half Baked,” another Ben & Jerry’s flavor that features two types of ice cream, this means the pint is always predominately chocolate ice cream (rather than an equal mix of chocolate and vanilla), and with “Mud Pie” it’s the same deal: There’s way more chocolate ice cream than the coffee liqueur variety. This wouldn’t be a huge problem except a) I’m not a huge fan of Ben & Jerry’s chocolate ice cream (it’s kind of bland for my taste; not especially rich or creamy, but more like chocolate milk that has been made into ice cream) and b) I bought “Mud Pie” because I wanted coffee liquor ice cream—if I wanted chocolate ice cream, I would have bought one of the many other flavors that have chocolate ice cream as its base.

I was even more disappointed, though, when I found that the “coffee liqueur” ice cream didn’t taste anything like the coffee liqueur ice cream that comprised “Vermonty Python.” Instead, it tasted more like the irish cream liqueur ice cream in Ben & Jerry’s “Dublin Mudslide” flavor, and when the coffee liqueur ice cream was eaten with a bit of the chocolate, “Mud Pie” essentially tasted JUST LIKE “Dublin Mudslide,” but without the latter flavor’s coffee fudge swirl.

I have to admit, the crisp, bittersweet chocolate cookie swirl in “Mud Pie” was quite tasty and plentiful, but I didn’t buy “Mud Pie” ice cream for the cookies and ultimately they weren’t enough to convince me that I should buy this flavor again. Indeed, I eventually put half the container in the trash, just because I didn’t feel like the remaining servings were worth the 270 calories a pop.

Ah, “Vermonty Python”—will no flavor be able to fill your delicious shoes?

The Danger of Deadlines

/rowses self from sugar-induced coma

Blaaargh … sorry for no posts lately, guys. It has been kind of a hectic time, and also the excessive amounts of sugar I have been eating have been making me mad sluggish and also jiggly; yes, I’ve gained eleven pounds since I’ve been home (Probably more as of this morning, but let’s not talk about that). Yes, I caved to the “Well, I’m starting my diet on [DATE] so I may as well get all my eating in!” mentality, and chowed. That’s the thing about having a “start date” in mind for me, personally; I have good intentions to do well until that day, but then always end up bingeing in the days leading up to it. Though, I haven’t really been hell of bingeing; yesterday I got into the “Let’s Eat!” frame of mind, but midway through thought, “What am I doing to myself?” and just stopped. And, I just decided to go “on program” today, rather than wait until after Christmas–if I gained anymore weight, there’s no way I’d be at my goal by graduation.

So, that’s things in a nutshell. I’ll try and do a more extensive post in the near future, but I just wanted everyone to know I am not dead … just jiggly.

Change of Plans / Blogging Responsibly

I’ve been doing the one indulgence-a-day plan for about five days now, and in light of establishing that I am very much capable of eating one treat without entering a downward spiral, I think I’m going to go ahead and count calories for bit. The thing, I’m one of those people that the longer they don’t eat well for, the worse their eating habits get, if that makes sense. For example, on Tuesday I had Cookie Bars (no big deal), on Wednesday I had Jingles (also not a big deal), but Friday I had ice cream and yesterday I sat down an a quart of ice cream AND went out to dinner. Not because I was looking to binge (and I didn’t eat much else besides said ice cream and dinner), but I just thought nothing of sitting down and eating a quart of ice cream in light of my recent splurges. Just didn’t care. Today? Pie for a midmorning snack. And, I skipped my upper body workout, because I tend to get sluggish in every other part of my life when I don’t eat well. Peh. So, I guess I am capable of having one treat without going totally crazy, but I also know that I’m not a person who can eat a treat a day without seeing negative effects in other parts of my healthy living-lifestyle.  And, while people with normal eating habits may have periods of time where they can’t eat healthy 100% of the time (i.e., vacation), most “healthy” people don’t eat a treat a day, and follow a day with a treat with a day without one. Yep. Of course, in light of having pie, am I rushing out to the grocery store for treats? Nope! So, improvement noted. Weight gain also noted: 137 this morning. Yeesh.

So, I know this blog is usually me boo-hooing about my weight and such, but since my current apathy regards my eating habits and my weight, today, I decided I wanted to talk about something else today: citizen journalism, i.e., blogging.

As a Journalism student and someone looking to enter the field professionally AND someone who is studying journalistic ethics, citizen journalism is something I have hell of strong sentiments about. Granted, most of you are probably fellow food bloggers, and thus anything you or I write isn’t exactly going to completely destroy the reputation of a public figure or potentially violate any journalistic ethics, but it is my view that bloggers still have certain responsibilities to their audiences, be they newsgatherers, food reviewers, casual film critics or otherwise.

Thus, here are a few suggestions for those of you looking to blog ethically or, at the very least, in a helpful manner.

1) Minimize Harm: Hey, I love linking to other blogs, don’t you? Sharing awesome blog finds is a cool thing, and a nice way to help a fellow blogger get traffic. But, whenever you link to another blog, please make sure you know who you’re sending your audience along to; they are a lot of people on the internet who are a) gullible and/or b) very desperate for solutions and take any kind of hope they find on the internet as gospel. So, when you find that Acai Berry blog author who is just OMG SO EXCITED SHE LOST 50 POUNDS IN 3 MINUTES WITH ACAI BERRY!, take a moment to determine whether this blog is a) a safe place to send your readers and b) legitimate. If you haven’t already heard, there has been a recent rash of weight loss-oriented companies creating fake blogs as a way to promote their products, so take the time to double check whether your new, potential blogosphere buddy is actually real.

2) Act Independently: Is anyone here familiar with Avenue Q? I am not really, because I am not a person who is cultured. I sit around on my ass and watch re-runs of The Office and scoff at the prospect of “musicals” in a “theater” filled with people who wear “monocles.” Anyway, there is a song in said musical, I think, that goes “Everyone is a little bit racist!” This is true. Everyone is also a little bit biased, and it’s YOUR job to disclose said biases, particularly when they involve conflicts of interest due to commerical influences. Did you get that tasty, tasty chocolate you’re reviewing for free from the company that makes said delicious product? Then, you are obligated to inform your readers because, like it or not, the fact that you got it for free may have influenced your opinion, whether you realize it or want to admit it or not. Also, this is now the law, so just do it.

3) Be Accountable: Everyone is a little bit biased, and everyone also makes mistakes (except me, as I am perfect and amazing). Did you promote a product that actually contains cyanide? It sucks to be you, but it’s your job to inform the public of the truth so as to prevent further harm. Did a person call you out on a factual error you made on your blog via a comment on a post? Don’t delete said comment; encourage dialogue. THIS IS THE INTERNET, NOT CHINA, and if you censor legitimate criticism (key word: legitimate; don’t feel as though you need to feed the trolls) then you’re not doing anyone any favors.

If you’re interested in the source of some of these rules/interested in more ethical guidelines pertaining to journalism, check out the Code of Ethics produced by the Society of Ethical Journalists. Also, I hope this did not come off as super pretentious; I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO BE A BETTER BLOGGER BLOO HOO HOO.

By Popular Demand …

I received one response regarding what people would like to see this blog become, and majority rules, so by popular demand this blog will now be entirely devoted to pictures of sexy dudes/ladies dipping their feet in Peanut Butter:

[OK, so I actually searched on the Internet for a picture of this to put here, and there was totally not a picture of someone putting their feet in Peanut Butter, WHICH IS TOTALLY RIDICULOUS BECAUSE IF A FETISH EXISTS YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIND IT ON THE INTERNET. Anyway, sorry to disappoint, Allison.]

But, I lied about the hiatus, because to be honest, this blog is partially for me; I am not an entirely unselfish person, I KNOW IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE. This is basically a public diary, and goddammit, I want to write about my PERSONAL JOURNEY. So, suck on it. But, for those of you who enjoy it, thank you for stopping by and I am glad/hope that it is somehow relatable for you. I have to agree with a certain visitor whose name I will censor to protect from the viciousness of the Internet, though; I feel like everyone and their sister’s blog mostly entails pictures of what they ate that day. This displeases me, especially when it is not accompanied by an additional commentary, like “I ate this because this food has blee-blah nutritional attributes!,” or, “I ate this because I was stressed! Grr, it’s a trigger food! Do you have those?” I like blogs to TEACH me a thing, or at least share something interesting. And, while it is sometimes interesting to see how a person eats healthy, a picture of your sandwich isn’t going to improve my own eating habits, really. Sorry. (Did that make sense?)

Also, yes, I know this started as a “food journal” blog, but I very, very quickly became bored with this, and here is the thing: Chances are, if you are bored with writing a thing, then chances are what you write is going to be boring, and no wants to read things that are boring. Well … maybe some people do. Maybe some people have a fetish for … reading boring … things … while watching women dip their feet in peanut butter.

(P.S. – If you are interested in this and want to come to my “boring content/peanut butter-dipping” convention please e-mail me at pbandboring@nofingway.com.)

ANYWAY, onwards, to unoriginal content!

So, I avoided another binge today, but while I was originally going to skip my indulgence for the day (just for the sake of being healthy), I caved and ate a thing when I became stressed. Did I binge? No, but I really want my automatic response to stress to not be eating. But, at least I didn’t binge, right? Granted, I had been craving the indulgence I had today for two days, now (I wanted it yesterday, but passed in favor of having a day where I didn’t indulge, just to make sure I still possessed some willpower), and I tried to wait it out, but I got a little stressed and headed to the grocery store for a treat. Also, in a close brush with a binge, I chomped a candy bar that ended up not getting counted. It was a big one, too (Green & Black, IT IS NOT MY FAULT I ATE YOU, EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET TOLD ME TO AND I HAD TO TRY YOU), but other than that I didn’t eat anything besides my indulgence (A pint of Ben & Jerry’s with a Warm Delight Mini … and then the other Warm Delight Mini, as there are two in a pack) and my normal 1,500 calories. Still, I really need to learn to eat only when I’m hungry; after I had my treat, I kind of just mindlessly snacked for the rest of the day because I “had the calories” (except not really, because I ATE A WHOLE PINT OF ICE CREAM AND A CHOCOLATE BAR), and if I had had bonus calories available I know I would have plowed through those, too. So, while I’m doing better with my eating habits, I need to keep my regular healthy eating habits intact post-treat.

I think the thing is that you need to pretend you have amnesia after each meal, and just have your automatic “choice” be something healthy. Sometimes, I find that if I try to overcompensate for a big snack by not having my normal healthy dinner or lunch or whatever, I just end up eating the same amount of calories over the course of the rest of the day, anyway, because I snack so much. Weird. Maybe I’ll just have to give myself a caloric “allowance” for days when I indulge in the future to prevent excessive snacking. Or, maybe I’ll actually get the hang of intuitive eating. LAWL.

Regardless, I am beginning to feel a bit … jiggly, but I’m trying to just give myself permission to indulge/gain weight in an effort to beat this binge habit. It’ll come off quick … right? And, at least I’m keeping up my excercise routine, so there is muscle tone underneath that thar pudge.

KTHXBAI.

Experimenting in Indulgence

Ahhhhhhh … Finals week is done. I am home. Life is pretty deece. (Deece = Decent.)

I had my first day of my “one indulgence per day but count everything else” plan, yesterday. It’s funny, though, that although I said I was going to do it, in the back of my mind I thought, “Well … maybe I can actually count calories until Christmas and lose a few more pounds.” But, when I came home, I was confronted with the prospect of … Magic Cookie Bars.

Magic Cookie Bars are delightful. And also a hell of binge-trigger food, as I have absolutely no idea how many calories they contain and such, being a home made baked good. Granted, I could have calculated the calories and counted the bars, but I thought, I get one indulgence per day … Let’s do this thing.

I almost succumbed to ye olde binge while getting supplies at the grocery store: I bought a candy bar, but counted it (my plan involves following my 1,500 calories per day plan with one indulgence per day). I almost caved and let myself have the bar for “free,” but I knew if I didn’t count the candy bar, everything else would get a pass as an additional indulgence. At the end of the night, here’s what I had eaten for the day:

+ Almonds (Pre-workout snack)

+ Cereal (Breakfast)

+ McDonald’s Grilled BBQ Snack Wrap (Lunch while driving home from Brandeis)

+ Jr. Frosty (Treat)

+ Lindt Candy Bar (Treat)

+ Wendy’s Ultimate Chicken Grill (Quick Dinner)

+ Two slices of bread (Brush with Cupboard Diving)

+ Seven Jelly Beans (Wanted to try them)

+ Cookie Bars with Low Fat Vanilla Ice cream (Free Indulgence)

Ha, ha! Victory! Granted, I probably eat more cookie bars than I should have, but I also made them at 4 p.m., and the last one didn’t disappear until 11:30 p.m., and they were split among three people. I probably also ate more ice cream than I should have, but I’d say that for the first day of having a non-counted treat outside my diet plan, this is pretty good. Basically, I’m just trying to break the binge habit and learn to have one treat instead of a million. And, I might not even have an indulgence today; I’m not really craving anything, though that ice cream IS calling my name (Yes, there’s still some left.)

Ugh, I have an eight mile run scheduled for the day, and it is hell of raining outside. I’m going to just run on the treadmill, but eight miles on the treadmill is going to be so boring.

Crisis Averted

So, I’m really glad I sat down yesterday and wrote about my binge; had I not, I would have woken up today and thought, “Ugh, I binged, and it wasn’t even a progressive binge.” However, because I sat down and genuinely thought about the mental consequences of just chowing for the rest of the day, I ended up having a binge that was smaller than my last. Am I happy that I binged? No, it probably means I’ll gain a bit this week, which makes me sad (But, it’s also not like I’m that hell of far away from my goal range. Besides, no one notices those extra pounds, and if I’m around 135 pounds post-holidays, I’ll be happy, so it’s not like I don’t have some lee-way), but at the same time at least I didn’t “finish” my binge. And, I also ate what I wanted; I didn’t just binge on random food, I recognized that I was going to overeat and selected food that would at least satisfy what I was craving, and then finished the day with healthful chomps. Sure, I only ate 295 fewer calories than during my last binge, but it’s something. I’m getting closer to just learning to have that one indulgence.

However, I am getting a little wigged out by my inability to stay “on plan”/white knuckle my way through these urges, especially since I’m bingeing about once a week (it’s interesting, I didn’t realize how much I was bingeing until I started keeping track. Yeesh, maybe ignorance is bliss.)  I reckon as I gradually reduce the size of my binges, it’ll become easier to stay on track as I perhaps lose my “tolerance” for large quantities of food, and it’ll certainly be easier to follow my plan post-holidays when I’m not dealing with high stress final exams/essays. And, hopefully I’ll make more anti-binge progress between now and Christmas. But, the fact of the matter is, there will ALWAYS be stress, and I need to find a better way to deal with it. (Also, I guess I shouldn’t get too freaked out; my willpower isn’t exactly stellar right now simply because I’m not particularly concerned with losing weight at the moment. I just don’t want to gain too much.)

But, at the same time, we’re programmed to reach for food in times of stress, so I’m not abnormal. Maybe it’s just my fixation with “conquering the binge” that is making this so problematic. Do I actually have a problem? Yes, I overate, but if you were my overeating spell with a “normal” person’s overeating spell, how different would it be? The thing is, I have nothing with which to compare my “binges.”

Regardless, I would like to get a better handle on my stress so that I’m not facing constant weight fluctuations. And, like I said previously, I want to be done with dieting/bingeing by the time I graduate. I refuse to start a new stage of my life with this mentality/these habits.

It’s difficult though, to stop binges sometimes when—at the very moment you decide to binge—you honestly don’t care about your weight or your eating habits. Yesterday, I was not in a frenzy; I stopped eating and asked myself, “Self, are you sure you want to do this?” And I went out for a walk, though about it and decided, yes, I wanted something tasty, calories be damned. At that point in time, it just wasn’t a big deal. Hmm. I’m also pondering what I should do about the sweets situation; it’s too bad, really, that I didn’t stick to my “no store-bought sweets” plan, because if I had I wouldn’t have eaten nearly as much yesterday as I did. Sometimes I can eat them in moderation, but most of the time I can’t. Does this mean I should just give up desserts cold turkey? If I did, it would certainly save me a lot of aggravation, and I wouldn’t have any trouble keeping weight off, that’s for sure. But, sometimes I feel like making things off limits makes them more appealing. BUT, at the same time, if a heroine addict can give up heroine for the rest of their life, shouldn’t I be capable of giving up cookies?

I woke up this morning, though, with the worst case of the chomps; I think the hardest day to get through is always the day after a binge, even though you’re still somewhat full from the day before. Boo.

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