Weigh-In Day: Week of June 25th/Body Snark

Ugh, dude’s my eating habits! They are hell of terrible. I weighed in at 127.2 today (Good!), but I fear that a great evil is returning to the land … the evil of …

Binge eating. (HOLY GOD, BAD)

But, I’m not sure if I should be legitimately concerned; I splurged three days this week to celebrate my birthday (which is today, actually, but for some reason I thought I should celebrate this weekend since I was working today, and then today rolled around and my mom and were like, “BOO ANTI-CLIMATIC BIRTHDAY LET’S CELEBRATE AGAIN!”), but I’m not sure if any of those days on which I splurged were actually a “binge,” or if I would have even splurged (binged?) today had I not weighed-in within my maintenance range this morning. But, on the days I splurged (BINGED?!?1?), I never ran out to buy extra stuff because I just thought, “SCREW IT! I’M OUT OF CALORIES!” but I did eat past the point of being full, and if I were in a store, I would impulse-buy a candy bar and chomp it without really thinking. Though, at the beginning of the week I was also only 124.6 pounds, and I’m not sure if I would have overdid-it had this not been the case/had I not been celebrating my birthday. Blergh. On the other hand, I know I am entirely in control of what I stuff in my face and I know I don’t want to go back to dieting and I KNOW that even though I splurged I am still within my maintenance range (and that’s part of the glory of maintenance, some weeks you eat more and some weeks you eat less but it is OK to eat more some weeks), so what am I really concerned about? Still, I kind of feel like normal people don’t gain 2.6 pounds while celebrating special events. Hm. Baby steps, I reckon.

I do have to give myself kudos, though, for taking some steps to not overeat:

a) When eating out and sharing an appetizer, I took what I deemed to be an appropriate portion off the group plate and then didn’t go back any more.

b) If I could eat healthfully, I did; I tried not make the days on which I splurged (BINGED?!?2?!?!@!? OH MY GOD I DON’T KNOW) into an all-day eating fest, and would start with something healthy like oat bran.

c) I tried to think about what I really wanted. Whereas before if I were having a “splurge” day I would just get everything and anything, I legitimately tried to keep my snacking to a minimum while out celebrating/shopping so I would have room for dinner at ze restaurant we were going to.

And, so on. OH, MAN, LOOK AT THAT LIST, SO IMPRESSIVE.

Regardless of whether I binged or splurged, though, I’m going to go back to counting calories and do a sugar detox (ie.e, no “dessert products), just for the next two weeks. I know I don’t really need to, and I’d like to get to a point where I don’t have to follow a celebratory event with calorie counting, but I just want to play it safe and make sure I don’t continue overeating. Also, every once and a while when I overdo it on the sugar, I kind of like to put a little distance between myself and the desserts and have a nice stint of clean eating to get my system back in order, you know?

In other news, a funny thing happened on my way to the forum.

Wait, no. A funny thing happened while I was out shopping (at the mall, no less, even though I detest crowds of people.) Long story short, my mother and I stopped by Eddie Bauer while we were out and decided to pick up some summer clothes. I happened to try on a dress and attract the attention of a salesperson, who began engaging my mother in the following conversation:

Salesperson: “Oh, my goodness! She looks so good in that dress!” (Aw, that’s nice.)

Mum: “Yeah, it looks really cute on her!”

Salesperson: “Ugh, she’s so thin! Look at her.” ( … OK.)

Mum: “Ha, yes, I used to be that thin at her age, too, though.”

Salesperson: “Ugh, yes, me too. Ugh, I hate her, she’s so thin! Let’s stop looking at her.” ( … WTF?)

It was just … odd. And, in this vein, I’m tired of “thin” being used as a compliment. In fact, I’m tired of size-related adjectives in general being used as compliments or insults. In my opinion, body preference is kind of like someone’s taste in movies or books or art; to each their own, ja? So, why OK to hate on or compliment someone for being overweight or underweight? For all that salesperson knew, I could have been a recovering anorexic, and her comments could have triggered a re-emergence of my eating disorder. And, not to be corny, but bodies can be beautiful at any size: Why has one shape become the standard for attractiveness? Can’t beauty come in a variety of sizes? And, why do we assume that all women want to be twigs? Likewise, why do “real women have curves?” Are chemotherapy patients who can’t keep weight on not “real women”? And, maybe some women pride themselves on being overweight or voluptuous or muscular.

/end rant

Gah, I wish I were better at organizing my thoughts. But, you get the jist, right?

Have you ever been the victim of “body snark?”

Too Much of a Good Thing

Hey dudes, GUESS WHAT

I totally didn’t count calories this week! WHOAH. It was pretty odd, considering I’ve counted points/calories/some kind of numerical figure connected with the patron star of food for the past … six years? But, it was really freeing to just kind of sit down for a meal and say, “OK, what do I want?” I’m not going to lie, though; on a couple of days when I had extra chomps, I freaked and tallied by day’s intake to say where I stood. However, at the end of the week, I had no idea how much I had eaten on most days/how many “bonus” calories I had left/etc. I do still a tally bit during the day, though—that is, at meal time, I might do some quick math to make sure my lunch falls within a certain range, just so I know whether to cut back a bit later after a particularly large meal. I think this is OK, though, as there’s a difference between nitpicky/obsessive calorie counting and ensuring you’re not overeating. I have, however, set up some rules for myself, since I didn’t want intuitive eating to turn into “eat whatever I want” eating:

1) I can eat as much as I want, but I can only eat when I’m hungry.

2) I can eat whatever I want, but desserts/sweets should be saved for after dinner. (This is mostly because if I eat a sweet thang mid-day, I tend to crave sugar for the rest of the day. Or, I crave sugar AND eat copious amounts of it for the rest of the day.)

3) Large desserts (e.g., a pint and a delicious Warm Delight product)/restaurant meals that I make/purchase for myself should be limited to once a week. (This isn’t me trying to be restrictive, but rather just trying to keep myself in a position to be flexible in case I’m invited out to dinner/given a delicious baked good spontaneously/etc.)

Regardless, I was a little cautious this week with my eating … maybe a bit too cautious. Although, I always ate if I was hungry, and continued eating after finishing a meal if I wasn’t satisfied.

Last Week’s Weight: 127.2 (Yep, I was up a little bit last week after my binge, but I was OK with this, seeing as how I was still in the bottom portion of my range.)

Today’s Weight: 124

Loss/Gain: Three pounds

This Week’s Exercise Schedule:

06/11: 7-mile run/walk + 20-minute weightlifting session
06/12: Yoga
06/13: 5-mile run + 40-minute weightlifting session
06/14: 7-mile run/walk
06/15: 1-hour weightlifting session + 2-mile walk
06/16: Yoga
06/17: 45-minute aerobics tape

… derp. Dang, and I took an extra rest day this week, too! Also, I am not oblivious to the irony that when I’m not trying to lose weight, I lose copious amounts of el-bees. Jeeze. I’m not really sure what to do at this point, though; I know some people say that you can never be too rich or too thin, but when I start to drop below my range like this, it’s like there’s a little voice that goes, “Well, how thin can I get?” And, I don’t want to play that game, especially since I don’t like how I look when I start to get into my lower 120s. Also, I’d like to get back into my goal range, as otherwise I get too accustomed to being a lower weight and it’s disappointing when I get back up to a normal weight. It’s like my mind adjusts to seeing a thinner self, and any extra pounds (even when they still put me within my goal range) are, well … extra. Does that make sense?

Anyway, normally I’d go on a weight gain diet at this point (MMMMMMMM), but I don’t want to go back to calorie counting after just a week of intuitive eating. So, considering that there are several food-related events coming up (my birthday, a surprise party for a person who shall go undescribed and a week in which an aunt and her family are visiting from Texas), I think I’m just going to let things lie for the time being and worry about putting weight back on only if I find myself still below range after the aforementioned happenins’ … and quite frankly, I highly doubt I’ll have anything to worry about after the next few weeks.

Restaurant Reluctance

Alright, now that I have all my grades in my possession, I can officially say that I have graduated. Thanks, professors, for not secretly hating me and failing me as a way by which to express your hidden distaste for my person.*

Of course, graduating means celebrating, and in light of the fact that my mum wanted to take me out to lunch to do so, I’ve come to the realization that I’ve developed a major aversion to restaurants. The reason for this is twofold:

1) The first reason—which is actually much more minor than the second—is my “fear of the unknown,” I reckon. It’s like I’d rather sit down with a pint of ice cream than a healthy grilled chicken entree at a restaurant because at least I know how many calories the ice cream has, whereas CALORIES COULD BE LURKING ANYWHERE IN THAT CHICKEN OMG I BET IT IS SECRETLY STUFFED WITH BUTTER. But, like I said, this is a minor concern, and I also am totally aware that the calories in everything can be reasonably estimated, and what do I care if I’m off by a few hundred calories? And, I (hopefully) won’t be counting calories forever, anyway. Bottom line: If someone said to me, “ELIZABETH WE ARE GOING TO A RESTAURANT RIGHT NOW AND YOU WILL LIKE IT,” I wouldn’t totally lose my shit.

2) The major reason I no longer like restaurants is that the better care I take of myself, the less I want to feel gross. And, restaurant food makes me feel gross 90% of the time. When I think of food, now, I think of it like fuel/what kind of affect it’ll have on my physical capabilities, and the last thing I want to dump in my tummy the day before a 7-mile stint is a bunch of fat and grease that’s going to make me slog along like someone who has had a ball of lead take up residence in their intestinal tract (this is along the same reasoning as to why I no longer have the urge to binge, either). Also, I find that restaurant food rarely lives up to my expectations, and I would rather have something that I am able to prepare myself exactly how I want it. ALSO, restaurant food is expensive! Man, you go out for a meal, and you could have bought a t-shirt for the amount of money you dropped on an overcooked steak.**

But, I reckon that going to restaurants is kind of like dating; you tell everyone you’re not into it at the moment, and then a really great Thai place/an attractive firefighter shows up in your town and you’re the first one wantin’ the Pad Thai, if you know what I mean. But, no, seriously though, I’d probably want to go out to eat if there was actually somewhere appealing to dine in my general vicinity, but most of the eateries around here aren’t exactly mad delicious.

Regardless of my reasons, though, I felt kind of abnormal saying I’d rather stay home and have a home cooked meal than go out to eat. But, my eating habits have been the focus of other people over the years (My ex’s friends, for example, always used to make fun of me for choosing skim milk at breakfast. Why do people feel the need to draw everyone’s attention to things like your food choices? Peh), so I guess it has just made me paranoid that other people may perceive my choices as being motivated by restrictive tendencies and consequently think of me differently.

A side note: I totally made/reviewed that Parmesan risotto, dudes, but I forgot to take a picture for the entry! I’m going to make it again this week, though, so I’ll post the review once you can … see what the food looks like, too, I guess?

Do you prefer home cooked food or restaurant cuisine? Have your food choices ever challenged, discussed or made fun of by others?

* By the way, professors, if you had done this I would have just re-enrolled in your class next semester and been horribly disruptive every class. Just so you know.

** I measure all purchases in terms of how many articles of clothing I could have bought for the same amount of money. So, if someone buys something ridiculous/hell of expensive, I will have to exclaim that they could have purchased FIVE PAIRS OF PANTS or something WHAT WERE THEY THINKING.

Goodbye, Brandeis

College—it is over.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am more than happy to be hoofin’ it out of here. But, it’s still odd to say goodbye to a place where I spent the better part of four years of my life. I’m looking forward to going home, though, and starting a career; I feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels for a while here, now, and going into broadcast has been my entire reason for going to school. Now, I finally get to be a reporter and an anchor.

As an aside, though, I think the university system could stand to be revamped: For someone like myself who wanted to be a journalist, was it really necessary to take courses like astronomy, which I only enrolled in fulfill a university requirement? And, when am I ever going to use the skills I learned in English classes in which we discussed Proust? They were great classes, sure, but should I have to take classes that aren’t relevant to my career just because you have to take courses for four years to graduate? Peh.

Anyway, I’m a bit nervous about today, just because I’m a celebratory eater. If something rad happens,* I want to eat to celebrate, and I’m hoping that since I haven’t binged in six weeks I can keep up my good habits today. And, really, why be worried? Everything that I eat is my decision; no one is going to force me to binge, so having decided not to binge, now, I know that everything is going to be fine. Problem solved!

Wish me safe travels, dudes! I’ll try to start posting more often soon, but at the moment, I need to just get home!

* I’m also a stress eater. And a sad eater. … Alright, I guess any emotion is really an excuse for me to chomp, whatever.

Grammar, Getting What You Want and Anita Diamant: A Story About Asking for Things and Being Mildly Insane

I’ve never really considered myself a person who gets “star struck”; to me, celebrities are just those stuck-up kids from my high school’s drama department, except now their arrogance is kind of justified by the fact that they have careers. Authors, however, are a different story.

“OMG … OMG ANITA DIAMANT IS COMING TO MY SCHOOL AH MY GAAAAAWD”

Yes … Anita Diamant, the author of my favorite novel (The Red Tent, a.k.a. “The Little Book That Could”) was coming to my school to speak about her newest work. Maybe she would even sign my copies of the book! This was going to be dreamy.

Then, my social anxiety kicked in and I started thinking about actually asking her for her autograph. What am I supposed to do, just waltz up to her and impose myself on her time? What if my school had a rule against asking authors to sign books? Oh, my God, I was going to be expelled from school. What would Anita Diamant think? She would probably never visit Brandeis again after that stupid girl (i.e., me) had the gall to ask her to sign not one, but two books. How dare I! This was terrible! So, I wrote an e-mail to the professor moderating the event regarding whether it would be alright to ask her for her signature. He said it was fine, and also that it would be “flattering.” I wasn’t convinced; an ex-boyfriend and I had had a class with this professor together several years ago, and the ex had been especially douche-baggish during this course—the professor probably remembered that I had associated with said ass and was trying to sabotage me, now, as revenge. I was on to him.

Regardless, on the night of the event I gathered up my multiple copies of The Red Tent for her to sign (maybe) and traveled over to the student center where the lecture was going to take place. On my way over there, however, my nerves twisted my simple hopes that she would sign my books into some kind of horrible, stalker-ish day dream:

Anita Diamant would be so impressed by my intellect, we would totally be best friends! She would love my life story so much (Apparently, at that point in time my mind was so demented that I thought my life story that was “impressive “) that she would base a character/novel on me. I bet we’ll going skiing together! I’ve never been skiing, before. This is going to be great!

So, I arrived, and I waited. Actually, “fretted” or “frothed in place” is probably a better word/phrase.

And then, she entered the room. Or, someone who I was pretty sure was her entered the room. I held up a book with her portrait and compared her face to the picture (thus already establishing myself as totally nuts), and became 90% sure that Anita Diamant had arrived.

Of course, rabid English-professors immediately descended on her, and probably some people who were her friends (“One day, one of those people will be, except I’ll arrive with her, and we’ll have had dinner right before and everyone will ask if we want any hors d’oeuvres and I’ll be all, “No, we just had dinner. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”) Slowly, a nervous inch at a time, I approached Anita Diamant and hovered, waiting to talk to her, like a creepy-ass vulture waiting to pick at a carcass or that mentally disabled hyena from “The Lion King.”

I almost bailed. “What are you doing! This isn’t a book signing event, she is socializing SIT DOWN.”

“NO! IT IS JUST A SIGNATURE ALSO HOW CAN SHE ASK ME TO GO SKIING WITH HER IF I DON’T INTRODUCE MYSELF.”

Apparently, in addition to an amazing life-story, I had something to prove.

I stood there, shadily looking over the shoulders of the people Anita Diamant was talking to. She spotted me and exclaimed, “You’re going to have me sign those right now, aren’t you!”

“I’M SORRY U R FAVORITE AUTHOR OF MY MOTHER AND MINE!”

Holy Christ, why are these words coming out of my mouth in a way that is horrible. My dreams of visiting Aspen with Anita Diamant were shattered as she looked at me as though I were the crazy person I actually am.

As she seated herself and took the pen I offered her, she asked which copy was my mine:

“THE FANCY HARDCOVER I AM GOING TO PUT IT ON A SHELF IN MY FUTURE LIBRARY.”

Obligingly, Anita Diamant signed this “fancy” copy and my mother’s edition, and I shuffled away after grinning at her like the aforementioned mildly retarded hyena. Then, I filled the time before the lecture began with shame.

However, in the aftermath of this humiliating ordeal, I realized I had learned several things from the incident that kind of balanced out having made an idiot of myself in front of Anita Diamant (except not really, I would never live this down):

1) I am horribly neurotic and should probably be institutionalized.

No, wait, I already knew that one. OK, I learned a couple of things from this:

1) If you want something, ask! It never hurts, and the worst that will happen is you’ll be told “No,” and if you hadn’t asked, you wouldn’t have gotten what you wanted, regardless.

2) Only talk to authors if you enjoy feeling stupid and would like fodder for FML.

P.S. – If people are interested in the content of the actual lecture, let me know and I will write a post about this as well.

A Letter, Part Two: THIS TIME IT IS SERIOUS

Dear Self,

Congratulations, you have made it to your goal range! Again.

No, that last part wasn’t meant to be sarcastic; even if you’ve accomplished this feat before, what you’ve done is still an accomplishment, especially since it took you a third less time than it did the last time. But, what I’m implying is that the easy part is over. You’ve lost the weight, but you already knew how to lose weight. The next part, maintenance, is the hard part, because I know in the back of your mind you’re thinking about bingeing.

Don’t lie to me, I can see it! I live in your head too, you know. Here’s the thing: You’re tired of dieting, and this could be the last time for a long while that you will have had to diet, but it’s all up to you. In the past, you’ve lost the weight, learned to eat healthy, but still binged along the way and then, once you reached your goal weight, you just let loose.

This time, you’ve lost the weight, you’ve learned to eat healthier and (here’s the big part) you’ve learned how to say “No” to bingeing. That’s a lifestyle change and a lesson that you cannot let go of if you don’t want to be a chronic dieter. The last few months without bingeing were not a temporary state; they were a foundation. Keep building on it, and you may be able to move past disordered eating.

I know you want to go out, and you can’t sit at home for the rest of your life in a diet-safe bubble, anyway.

I know you don’t want to eat so much that makes you physically ill, anymore.

I know you want to eat normally and be satisfied. But, you won’t have any of these things if you return to bingeing.

You’ve made a lot of progress; don’t fall back into old habits.

Now, I know it’s impossible to think that you’ll never binge again—no one is perfect. But, you can’t go forward with a mentality where you expect to binge again. Expect the best of yourself, instead, and have good intentions every day.

Love,

Elizabeth

P.S. – Can we have an ice cream I am mad hungry

Side-effects

Greetings from spring break, intraweb. No, I am not flashing dudes in Tijuana; instead, I am chillaxin’ while fully clothed in the homeland. It is nice.

I almost made it six weeks on plan as per my original goal, but my splurge day ended up coming a day early so I ultimately fell short a day. Still, in between now and my graduation I have an additional six weeks to lose any weight I gain over this week/get started on maintenance, so I am pretty pleased about that. And, seeing as how I kept my splurge day to, you know, only one day, I am hoping I’ll be back down to my maintenance weight by next Friday and able to take another shot at intuitive eating/maintenance. Yay! To be honest, though, this is my last shot at maintenance; if I can’t keep the weight off this time (give or take a few pounds—everyone’s weight fluctuates sometimes), I’ll just take it as a sign that 128 is too low a weight to maintain, and I’ll stop trying to stay at that point.

But, I’m much more confident in my ability to maintain my weight after this last splurge day: Like I already said, I kept it to one day and immediately got back on plan the day after the splurge, and—for having decided ahead of time I wouldn’t have to count calories that day—I didn’t do too terribly. Usually, I would be all up in my cupboards/the grocery store on a “no-calorie counting” day, but the only additional thing I purchased was a pint of ice cream, and the only thing I ate out of the cupboards was half a serving of tortilla chips. Everything else was Easter-oriented* and given to me or consisted of a restaurant meal with family. Anyway, I definitely feel like making an effort to break the bingeing habit over the past several weeks improved my overall self-control and made it so I didn’t want to binge on my splurge day, either (though I did definitely overeat; I’m up four pounds at the moment [Oops], but knowing how my body retains water, I’m not too concerned.)

Now, I’m off to enjoy this incredibly, laziness-inducing rainy day.

*Because spring break ends right after Easter, we decided to celebrate this weekend instead of next weekend.

Weigh-In Day: Week of March 19th

Oh, man, I had such the anticipation this morning. So much so, that when I woke up at 2:15 a.m. and decided I wanted a “sneak peak” of my weight for the week, I was so anxious before stepping on the scale that I couldn’t get back to sleep after weighing myself. Now here I am, writing a blog entry at 4:41 a.m., running on three hours of sleep on the first day of my spring break. Woo. Ah, well, I’m catching a bus home in a few hours (yay, home!), so I’m thinking I’ll just nap then. Though, I hate napping on buses … people around, just waiting for you to fall asleep so they can put you in weird positions and take pictures of you to put on the Intrawebs. Curses! Anyway, the moral of the story is I need to wait until it’s actually “getting up” time to weigh myself, because I can’t keep waking up on Fridays at 2 a.m. (by the way, this happened last week, too). It’s ridiculous, both the getting up so early and the being so jacked-up about my weight. Pah.

ONWARDS TO NUMBERS.

Last Week’s Weight: 131.3

This Week’s Weight: 128.4 (!)

Loss/Gain: 2.9 pounds

Average Daily Caloric Intake: 1,760

Excercise:
03/19: 5-mile run/40-minute weight lifting session (Upper Body)
03/20: Yoga
03/21: 2-mile run/30-minute elliptical session/1-hour weight lifting session
03/22: 7-mile run
03/23: 7-mile run
03/24: 7-mile run/20-minute weight lifting session (Upper Body)
03/25: 7-mile walk/30-minute elliptical session

This is hell of awesome, and not just because I’m at my goal weight. You see, the last time I began a diet in January at around the same weight as where I started this time, it took me until October to hit my goal weight, as you can see from the archives. That means it took me EIGHT MONTHS to lose about 10 pounds. This time, because I put my foot down about binge eating, it took me 10 WEEKS to lose the same quantity of weight. So, while I’m excited about being at my goal weight, I’m more excited to find that I have self-control and—should I put on a few pounds in the future—I’m capable of taking it off relatively quickly. Though, I hope for the most part that my binge eating days are now behind me, and a significant weight gain won’t be a problem again—or, at least it won’t be a problem again for a very long time.

That having been said, I would be more excited to be at my goal weight except that I had planned a splurge day for myself to celebrate Easter while I’m home (yes, I know I just said that I hoped my binge eating days were behind me, but I’m hoping it will be a SPLURGE day and not a BINGE day, but regardless I think I deserve a day to eat what I want. And, I know I can keep it to one day), and since I’ve been looking forward to it and I’m not really ready to jump into maintenance after having had a splurge day, I’m just going to stay on plan until I’m back down to my goal weight, which I imagine won’t take more than a week or two if I only take the one “day off” from healthy eating.

This post is probably riddled with spelling/grammatical errors. Ciao, internet! Wish me a harassment-free bus ride!

Do you have trouble sleeping? What do you do if you can’t fall back asleep after waking up in the middle of the night?

New Beginnings

Hey, baby … It’s been awhile.

What? No, it wasn’t another blog, I … OK, could you just let me finish a sentence?

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS

OK, yes, I did say I was going to update you, then I didn’t, but …

OK, if you’re going to be like this, I’m not even going to talk to you right now.

Alright, that’s enough of that.

AHEM.

a) My apologies for dropping off the earth. After my last post, I stumbled into my final semester of college, and between job hunting, considering a job in the military and temporarily training for one, and classes, I just didn’t have time to maintain a blog. But, now I have some time, kind of! Alright, I still have no time, but I am procrastinating right now, so … yes.

b) I got a job for after I graduate! AND IT’S IN MY FIELD, surprisingly, what with the economy how it is right now; the majority of my graduating class is taking internships/jobs not in their field do to the lack of options, so I am eternally grateful. Basically, I am going to be a radio anchor/reporter. Neat, no? First step to AIRWAVE DOMINATION.

c) I haven’t binged in five weeks, as of this Sunday (Of course, this is my cue to binge and RUIN EVERYTHING). And, in the last ten weeks, I’ve binged only once. I’m still counting calories and trying to take off those last holiday pounds, but I’ve gotten some good momentum going and it feels great to know I am capable of self-control. At some point, I may write a post about how I beat bingeing, which leads me to my next point …

d) I’m not sure what to do with this blog. I like to write, but I feel like a food/diet is unhealthy for certain internet perusers, which is also why I stopped writing for a bit. Now, I know I’m not the Web Nanny, but I wonder if writing about what I eat/how much weight I’m losing/etc. is encouraging disordered thinking among readers. Sure, there are those just looking for tips about how to lose weight, but what about the people obsessed with dieting, size and the whatnot? I feel like I’m just feeding into the mentality that “Dieting = Life” by writing about losing weight, sometimes, rather than how I feel great after working out and beating the binge and whatnot. So, I’ll kind of leave it to a vote (Not that there’s really anyone left to vote, anymore, but still, I’ll check back after a week and the consensus): Is it helpful to have someone detailing their diet plan? Is my writing too diet centric? Should this just be a food review blog? I do love to foist my opinions on the world. Should I write a “How I Stopped Bingeing” post? Should I write about another thing, here? The journalism realm, for instance?

LET ME KNOW. LET US JOURNEY FORTH, TOGETHER. Or “sally” forth. Whichever you prefer.

According to Plan

Sorry for the lack of detailed posts, dudes/ladies; I’ve been plowing through end-of-the-semester papers, and honestly the last thing I felt like doing the last couple of days after writing analys … es? … z? I have no idea what the plural of “analysis” is. Yes, I am an English major. Shut up. BUT, I DIGRESS. The last thing I felt like doing the last couple of days after spending all day working on an essay was spending more time at my computer, especially since my computer is being such a d-bag; it runs Windows Vista, so the operating system has never been stellar, but the hardware has been going lately, too. Ugh. I’d shell out for a Netbook to finish out college, but I don’t want to waste money when I’m going to be graduating soon and looking at a new set of computing needs.

Anyway, it wasn’t terrible being up at school for Thanksgiving, just mildly depressing. Christmas is my favorite holiday, anyway, and Thanksgiving is all the way down at #4 on my list of “Best Holidays EVA,” but I still missed ye olde traditional cranberry/stuffing/family chillaxin’. Regardless, Christmas is the big “get together” holiday in my family, so I didn’t really miss anything that won’t be repeated in a few weeks. However, my time spent at school has been very productive, except for that hour I spent locked out of my suite on Thanksgiving Day. Which was followed by me crying in front of the police officer who was trying to make conversation when I went to the station to be let back into my dorm. Alas. Unfortunately, I’m one of those people who gets horrendously emotional when they’re stressed out.

But, while my ego was bruised as a result of stress, my waistline has not been (yet, at least); there have been several times over the last few days where I’ve just wanted to cave and binge, but I know that with every day that I don’t binge, the urge will be lessened. Ity definitely helps not having any trigger foods in the dorm, though; it’s much easier to prevent a binge when you can’t reach out and snag a pack of cookies right when the urge strikes.

Anyway, right now, as much as I would love to be losing weight and such, I really think I need to conquer binge eating first. And, I know if I can beat this, then it’ll make for a much easier time when I do get around to losing/maintaining. I really think that binge eating has just become a bad habit, and my automatic response to stress. So, I just need to replace that response with a different one and white knuckle it, I reckon.

But, I HAVE A PLAN!

From now through Dec. 23, I’m going to count calories as best I can. But, if a special event comes up, I’m going to partake. BUT, there is also a “No non-Holiday Specific Treats” ban in place, which sounds weird, but for me it makes sense; you see, my problem isn’t so much with bingeing at special events at such. Rather, its in the aftermath of those events when I think “Oh, the day is already ruined, let’s go get a pint of ice cream/random sugar from the grocery store!” So, I’ve come to associate special events/holidays with binge eating. BAD. Thus, at the moment, I’m just focusing on learning to enjoy a solitary indulgence. If I get more specific, my goal is to stay under 3,000 calories per day from now until Dec. 23. Come Dec. 24, I’m going to give myself three days of intuitive eating, during which time I’ll hopefully be able to apply the binge-restriction eating habits I’ve developed between now and then. I’m hoping that over that three day span, I’ll have lost the desire to binge and will just eat my normal meals with some holiday-specific indulgences. NO CUPBOARD DIVING*/TRIPS TO THE GROCERY STORE, SELF. Then, Dec. 27, I’ll start my full weight loss program.

I told you I was a planner.

“Too bad your plans never work,” says Pessimistic Self, who then high-fives that kid who punched you in the stomach in kindergarten.

HEY! Not cool. Also, something has to work sometime, right? And a binge eater is not who I want to be, I’ve realized. So, hush ye mouth and be amazed as I actually succeed maybe.

Blergh, I should get back to work. I’m pretty pleased, though, that I’ve succesfully added some extra excercise to my schedule; the past two days, I’ve hit the elliptical for an extra 30 minutes per day and done some upper body weight lifting. NEAT. I’m really starting to feel a difference in my fitness level, too; I’m hoping that by getting stronger now, it’ll make for an easier weight loss quest post-holidays.

*Cupboard Diving (noun): The act of eating entirely random things (i.e., slices of bread, cheese, etc.) while bingeing that usually are not particularly tasty and are eaten just because the chomper feels like eating more.

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