Weigh-In and Warcraft

YEAH LET’S DO THIS

Last Week’s Weight: 130.6

Today’s Weight: 127.2

Loss/Gain: 3.2 pounds

This Week’s Exercise Schedule:

07/02: 7-mile run/walk + 20-minute weightlifting session
07/03: Yoga
07/04: 5-mile walk + 40-minute weightlifting session
07/05: 7-mile walk/run
07/06: 2-mile walk, 1-hour weightlifting session, 20-minute arc trainer session, 10-minute rowing machine session
07/07: 7-mile run/walk
07/08: 45-minute aerobic tape

Huzzah, right in the middle of my maintenance range! Poifect, and not too shabby considering I spent most of my week sitting on my ass, mourning the loss of this week’s pay check. It was nice to do a bit of a sugar-detox, too, even though I only made it until Wednesday sans dessert. I broke upon sighting the Dairy Queen (hey, I hadn’t had my annual “IT’S SUMMER” Blizzard, yet. Although, I’m not sure the Blizzard was the best treat to break the detox with: I remember them as being really tasty, and although the ingredients in my Georgia Mud Fudge Blizzard [Pecan and brownie pieces with vanilla soft serve] were fresher than one of those feisty, up-and-coming rappers I can never understand, the ice cream itself just tasted like … cold. Seriously, no flavor to it whatsover. Has anyone else had this happen?).

In other news, my week off spurred to do two things, one of which was productive, one of which was not:

1) I got a new job! Not one to replace my radio job, unfortunately, which I have to do tomorrow and have built WAY UP IN MY MIND to be horrible, but one to replace my seasonal job once it ends. Huzzah! It’s at a local coffee shop (not a chain, but a legit, “we-bake-our-own-donuts,” coffee shop), and I’m looking forward to having a job that puts me amongst people for the day. ‘Twill be good for me. And, I get to keep my cemetery job until the end of the season. HOWEVER, the coffee shop people are going to begin training me on the days I’m not working at the cemetery, so it looks like I might be working seven days a week sometimes. Ah, well, it’s only temporary.

2) I re-activated my World of Warcraft account. Derp. I started playing two (three?) years ago after my ex-fiance turned me onto it, but I quit a few months back when I found myself hating scheduled gametime* and the repetitive nature of the game. So, why did I go back? I have no idea! Mostly, I think, because I may have given up being social just a little bit in Real Life. Le sigh. ANYWAY! On a more cheerful note, if you play WoW and want to do an in-game blogger meet-up (which is way cooler than a RL blogger meet-up, PSH), then drop a comment, ja? Of course, I’m not sure how long this WoW stint will last, so … act now, I guess?

In conclusion, I leave you with a family photo:

This is a picture of my character and my mother’s when both of us were around level 50 (I’m on the right; warlock win). Aww! Memories. Also, yes, my mother and I play WoW together. Isn’t that nice?

* For those of you unfamiliar with the game, you have bring together many players (sometimes up to 40) in order to complete higher “levels” in WoW. So, if you want to complete these areas of the game, you have to sign on for scheduled “raids,” as it’s really quite difficult to just put together a random group of people at a random time.

Cemetery Blues

I enjoy my job at the cemetery. No, really! When I get up in the morning and say, “UGH BLERGH WORK,” it is just my horribly whiny knee-jerk reaction to the idea that I have to do something besides sit on my ass that day. And, when I get a phone call saying, “Nope, there hasn’t been any rain so the grass isn’t growing so there isn’t any work,” I’m reminded of the fact that I really need to shut my mouth, get rid of the negativity and just be grateful for the fact that I do have work. Oh, and just in case you’re wondering, I’m waxing reflective because I did get such a phone call this morning.

Yep … in light of this, I do realize that I really need to stop talking myself out of things/being so negative about work, social happenings,* things I have to do, etc. Honestly, I think I would enjoy my life a lot more if I just put a stop to mentally building everything up into a huge chore, because 90% I get to work/go to an event I was dreading and find myself saying, “Oh! This isn’t so bad.”

Anyway, with my surprise week off from work (which hopefully won’t turn into a two-weeks off from work) I’ve decided to catch up on my summer reading. Here’s what my “reading log” for the near future looks like:

1. Day After Night, Anita Diamant (I’m currently working on this, and I’m not sure how I feel about it, yet; when I went to a speaking-event featuring Diamant, she described the novel as being an introduction to the history of Israel and that it was for people who didn’t know very much about the nation’s origins. And yet, I feel that you kind of need some background in WWII/Palestine’s history to have a full understanding of the book.)

2. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson (Everyone and their brother is talking about it, so I guess I’ll read it. Stop judging me.)

3. Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez (I love Marquez’s style of writing and his inclusion of magical elements in a realistic setting, so I think it’s about time I read what is probably his best known work.)

4. Wolf Hall, Hilary Mantel (I’ve actually had this book lying around for months, but since I bought it while I was still up at school and thus tied up with required reading, I never got around to reading it. Mmm, historical fiction focusing on the Tudors. I love them, don’t you? I don’t know why, but I’ve always been vaguely obsessed with Henry VIII and his unfortunate wives.)

I don’t know why, but I really enjoy planning out what I’m going to read next; it’s like, “Haha! Look at how intellectual my future is going to be! Suck it, stupidity!”

In other news, I went to the gym twice today, but I only made the second venture because I desperately needed to get out of the house (I enjoy my days off, but I hate being idle for extended periods of time; I feel like if I haven’t earned my time off, I can’t enjoy it) and also because I needed to burn off some PMS-anxiety (For some reason, I always get super anxious around my lady times. Right now, I’m obsessing about the prospect of not having work once my season cemetery job ends in September). Also, if I didn’t get out the house, I was definitely going to eat 100% of everything.

Do you have any bad “mental habits?” What are you reading at the moment?

* Yeah, most people probably find these enjoyable, but I’ve developed some kind of social anxiety, as I’ve mentioned before. Honestly, I worry a bit about myself; I can’t seem to get out of my own way to get out and do social things. Part of me says, “Well, what’s there really to do, anyway? Most people your age go to bars for social interaction, and you don’t drink!” But, on the other hand, I feel like I’m just making excuses for my anti-social behavior. WHAT’S A TEETOTALING LADY TO DO?!?

The Return of the Calorie Count and Censoring Sex Crimes

Hey, dudes/ladies, check out this adorable-as-all-hell travel mug I bought for myself at Newbury Comics on my birthday shopping trip.

I brought it with me on my grocery shopping trip this morning, and looked classy as a mofo.At the moment, I am drinking copious amounts of green tea out of it in an attempt to flush out the massive quantities of bloat I acquired in between yesterday and today; yep, I gained 3.4 pounds overnight, and am now 130.6. Peachy, no? Of course, yesterday, I was voluntarily going to count calories beginning today, but now that I actually have to, I am like, “NOOOOOO THIS IS SO UNNATURAL, LIKE TWIMOMS, SERIOUSLY THOSE WOMEN ARE WAY TOO OLD TO LOVE ON TAYLOR LAUTNER THAT IS BORDERLINE PEDOPHILIA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”

Blergh. Of course, I am sure it is just water retention and that it is nigh impossible to gain that much weight overnight. Regardless, I am sorry for the mad repetitive binge-oriented posts as of late; when I get stressed out about one thing, I tend to stress out about everything else in my life, too. It is like my stress is the common cold, and “fear of the return of binge eating”-thoughts are that kid in your class who has the really bad immune system and always gets sick, and all my other thoughts are like, “Ugh why does he come to class when he is sick, vacation is coming up I hope I don’t get sick,” but they do. And, when I do get stressed out about a thing, I tend to obsesses over it and basically repeat the same thoughts on it over and over like a broken record.

Anyway, yesterday definitely was a binge. I’m not sure why I seem to have intuitive eating down on most days of the week but not on celebratory days/holidays. Maybe it’s because while I was dieting, I gave myself a pass to binge on said days? Ah, well. I guess all I can do is chalk it up to a learning experience and just be better prepared as the next holiday rolls around.

“But, Elizabeth, you said you were stressed about a thing. TELL US.”

Oh, blog readers, you’re so thoughtful/concerned! Or just vile gossip mongers, you bastards. Whatever, I’ll tell you anyway.

As some of you may know/recall, I recently started working as a radio anchor/reporter. This is (was?) a pretty cool thing as it is what I went to school for, but something happened last Saturday that has me mild to moderately concerned: Long story short, I aired a news piece I had pulled off the AP wire* that was about a Massachusetts priest who had been arrested for soliciting sex. I got hell of chewed out by my boss (“We don’t air smut,” “That’s not what our audience wants to hear,” etc.), and was informed that the stations on which I broadcast news generally avoid stories on “sex scandals, rape, [and] child pornography.”

On the one hand, I understand the our news airs on entertainment/music stations and now dedicated news stations, but on the other hand I’m troubled that we’re a) censoring content and b) grouping together stories about sex scandals and rape. It just makes me uneasy, and my job feels trivial; are we only supposed to feed people fluff?

What are your thoughts regarding stories on sex crimes? Do you expect “softer” news when you’re listening to an entertainment station rather than a station dedicated to news/talk?

* For those who are unfamiliar with how news works, many media outlets (e.g., newspapers, radio stations, etc.) use stories by the Associated Press (i.e. the AP, an extensive news agency) in their broadcasts or publications, since most news sources don’t have the resources to send their journalists all across the country. For example, the company I work for would never send a reporter all the way to the G-20 summit in Toronto, so instead we’d use a story on it by the AP for our national news segment.

Weigh-In Day: Week of June 25th/Body Snark

Ugh, dude’s my eating habits! They are hell of terrible. I weighed in at 127.2 today (Good!), but I fear that a great evil is returning to the land … the evil of …

Binge eating. (HOLY GOD, BAD)

But, I’m not sure if I should be legitimately concerned; I splurged three days this week to celebrate my birthday (which is today, actually, but for some reason I thought I should celebrate this weekend since I was working today, and then today rolled around and my mom and were like, “BOO ANTI-CLIMATIC BIRTHDAY LET’S CELEBRATE AGAIN!”), but I’m not sure if any of those days on which I splurged were actually a “binge,” or if I would have even splurged (binged?) today had I not weighed-in within my maintenance range this morning. But, on the days I splurged (BINGED?!?1?), I never ran out to buy extra stuff because I just thought, “SCREW IT! I’M OUT OF CALORIES!” but I did eat past the point of being full, and if I were in a store, I would impulse-buy a candy bar and chomp it without really thinking. Though, at the beginning of the week I was also only 124.6 pounds, and I’m not sure if I would have overdid-it had this not been the case/had I not been celebrating my birthday. Blergh. On the other hand, I know I am entirely in control of what I stuff in my face and I know I don’t want to go back to dieting and I KNOW that even though I splurged I am still within my maintenance range (and that’s part of the glory of maintenance, some weeks you eat more and some weeks you eat less but it is OK to eat more some weeks), so what am I really concerned about? Still, I kind of feel like normal people don’t gain 2.6 pounds while celebrating special events. Hm. Baby steps, I reckon.

I do have to give myself kudos, though, for taking some steps to not overeat:

a) When eating out and sharing an appetizer, I took what I deemed to be an appropriate portion off the group plate and then didn’t go back any more.

b) If I could eat healthfully, I did; I tried not make the days on which I splurged (BINGED?!?2?!?!@!? OH MY GOD I DON’T KNOW) into an all-day eating fest, and would start with something healthy like oat bran.

c) I tried to think about what I really wanted. Whereas before if I were having a “splurge” day I would just get everything and anything, I legitimately tried to keep my snacking to a minimum while out celebrating/shopping so I would have room for dinner at ze restaurant we were going to.

And, so on. OH, MAN, LOOK AT THAT LIST, SO IMPRESSIVE.

Regardless of whether I binged or splurged, though, I’m going to go back to counting calories and do a sugar detox (ie.e, no “dessert products), just for the next two weeks. I know I don’t really need to, and I’d like to get to a point where I don’t have to follow a celebratory event with calorie counting, but I just want to play it safe and make sure I don’t continue overeating. Also, every once and a while when I overdo it on the sugar, I kind of like to put a little distance between myself and the desserts and have a nice stint of clean eating to get my system back in order, you know?

In other news, a funny thing happened on my way to the forum.

Wait, no. A funny thing happened while I was out shopping (at the mall, no less, even though I detest crowds of people.) Long story short, my mother and I stopped by Eddie Bauer while we were out and decided to pick up some summer clothes. I happened to try on a dress and attract the attention of a salesperson, who began engaging my mother in the following conversation:

Salesperson: “Oh, my goodness! She looks so good in that dress!” (Aw, that’s nice.)

Mum: “Yeah, it looks really cute on her!”

Salesperson: “Ugh, she’s so thin! Look at her.” ( … OK.)

Mum: “Ha, yes, I used to be that thin at her age, too, though.”

Salesperson: “Ugh, yes, me too. Ugh, I hate her, she’s so thin! Let’s stop looking at her.” ( … WTF?)

It was just … odd. And, in this vein, I’m tired of “thin” being used as a compliment. In fact, I’m tired of size-related adjectives in general being used as compliments or insults. In my opinion, body preference is kind of like someone’s taste in movies or books or art; to each their own, ja? So, why OK to hate on or compliment someone for being overweight or underweight? For all that salesperson knew, I could have been a recovering anorexic, and her comments could have triggered a re-emergence of my eating disorder. And, not to be corny, but bodies can be beautiful at any size: Why has one shape become the standard for attractiveness? Can’t beauty come in a variety of sizes? And, why do we assume that all women want to be twigs? Likewise, why do “real women have curves?” Are chemotherapy patients who can’t keep weight on not “real women”? And, maybe some women pride themselves on being overweight or voluptuous or muscular.

/end rant

Gah, I wish I were better at organizing my thoughts. But, you get the jist, right?

Have you ever been the victim of “body snark?”

Down the Hatch/Tubes

It was like the perfect storm, but with more candy and less water.

I was set to go out to breakfast on Sunday, and the day before, a bag of ill-bought Reese’s cups depleted the calories I had been saving for said breakfast. Sunday, my frustration over my lack of self-control combined with sleep deprivation combined with stress combined with PMS to form … the perfect binge.

Dudes, I had gone ten weeks without bingeing. I thought I was golden. Then, WHA-BHAM! I consume 6,000 calories in one day. WTH?

Even now, four days later, I’m still hell of pissed off about it. Now, I’m not mad about any weight I may have gained (I was below range the last time I weighed in, after all, and it was just one day), but rather the lack of intuitive eating I practiced/the random eating I did. Basically, I went back to cupboard diving and ended up eating random, non-worthwhile P.O.S. foods like slices of bread. Plus, had I not binged and just had ONE thing, I could have had a pint of ice cream every day this week for the amount of calories I ate that one day. And, trust me, I would have much rather have had a treat per day than one day of stuffing myself and subsequently restricting. BUT, I ALWAYS FORGET THIS ARBDFHSDFSDJFH.

Ah, well. At least it didn’t turn into a multiple-day binge. In light of this, though, and the fact that I’ve been feeling really weak/rundown lately (like, “going to bed at 9 p.m. and feeling sore all the time”-weak) I was thinking of doing one of a couple of things for the summer, or until I’m done with my very physically demanding job at the cemetery:

a) Eat a bit more on a daily basis. Of course, this sounds like the most fun option, but I don’t want to get accustomed to a certain culinary lifestyle, so to speak, only to have to cut back come fall.

b) Indulge a bit every day. Quix left a great anti-binge tip on my last post; that is, indulge a bit every day in something small to keep from over-doing it like I did. And, the fact of the matter is, I am pretty restrictive on a day to day basis. But, I definitely can’t keep some things—like candy, evidently—in the house. What are you favorite small sweets that you keep around/can eat in moderation?

c) Exercise a bit less. I’m kind of hesitant to cut back on my exercise (for reasons I’ll go into another post coming up soon), but I feel like it’ll be easier to increase my exercise again than it would be to decrease my chomps come fall. So, I’m 90% sure that I’m going to go with this option and have a “taper week” every other week rather than every three weeks. I’d also like to allow myself some more splurges, but now my trust in my self-control is kind of obliterated. And yet, I’m thinking of finally giving up calorie counting, cold turkey.

After this weekend’s binge incident, which was essentially inspired by a “lack of calories” that should not even have been taken into consideration, because being at my maintenance weight means any calorie-oriented limits are merely guidelines, I’ve come to the conclusion that calorie counting while at my maintenance weight is keeping me from truly eating intuitively. I’m a little hesitant to give it up, though, as I feel like calorie counting is kind of like a speedometer—without it, I wouldn’t know I was eating too much/driving too fast until I gained weight/got a ticket. But, if I’m truly eating intuitively, I shouldn’t gain a massive amount of weight in between weigh-ins, anyway. And, getting rid of calorie counting would set me up to eat more according to true cravings/needs rather than according to numbers. But, I’m scurred. How will I know if I can consume certain “extras” in a day, like a glass of milk, an extra serving of rice or a cookie from a co-worker?* I know how to eat, though; it’s not like I’ll eat donuts on Monday, forget about it, and eat a pint of ice cream on Tuesday. I’ve also maintained my weight for about two months, now, and for most of that time I haven’t been calculating how many calories I’ve eating during the day until the end of the day.

What do you dudes think? Have any of you spent years calorie counting, only to give it up? I’m wondering, though, if I shouldn’t set up some rules for myself if I do give up calorie counting (e.g., only one “indulgence” per day, which I should be following, regardless—if I had followed this rule on Sunday, I’d be a lot better off, that’s for sure). Any suggestions?

THIS POST NEEDS MORE BOLD TEXT. OK, I’m done, now.

*OK, I would probably not eat this cookie regardless, unless it was a commercial cookie and I saw the package it came out of it. Homemade, though? Lord knows where that cookie has been/what the kitchen it was made in looks like. Gross.

Positive Reinforcement

PHEW. OK, I finally have a few moments.

Post-graduate life has been hell of busy. Shortly after starting my job at the cemetery, I began my journalism job and immediately picked up a few extra shifts. The result was working 12 days in a row, and even now I’m still feeling a bit overwhelmed, having not quite gotten into the groove, yet. Anyway, I’m not really sure how I feel about my radio position, still, but that’s a post for another time.

Anyway, here’s today’s weigh-in results:

Last Week’s Weight (which I didn’t post about—oops): 126.3 (Weight Watchers Scale)/125.7 (Tanita)

Today’s Weight: 126.6 (WW)/125.8 (T)

Average Daily Caloric Intake: 1,830

Funny, when I don’t eat all my calories and am very active, I actually gain a bit. Though, according to the Tanita scale, my body fat percentage went from 22.6 to 21.3, though who knows how accurate that measurement is. But, maybe the gain is from over-exercising? In addition to my regular exercise routine, I’ve been doing approximate two hours of weed-whacking a day three times a week. Hm. Not only that, but I’ve been lifting/running and I really don’t feel like I’m getting any more fit.

Regardless, I am bidding adieu to the Weight Watcher’s scale, as I am convinced that it steadily weighs you heavier than you actually are in order to convince you that you still need the help of Weight Watchers. Yes, it is a conspiracy. BUT, when I first bought the WW scale, it weighed me a pound lighter than the Tanita scale! So, how do you explain that it now weighs me 8/10 of a pound heavier AND says I gained 3/10 of a pound this week, while the Tanita says I gained only 1/10 of a pound? Eh? EH?! IT’S A RACKET, I TELL YOU.

Anyway, in the last few stressful weeks, I’ve realized that good habits kind of need to be reinforced when you relocate. It sounds odd, but it’s like I had learned not deal with school-related stress through food, but I need to reinforce that good habit after moving back home and encountering a new kind of stress. For example: After being through into the radio realm, going without a day of rest and not exactly loving my new job, I was ready to eat the shingles off the house. One morning I got up with a raging appetite, and I basically gave myself permission to binge. By 8 a.m., I already had in mind what noms I was going to chomp/make myself sick on. Keep in mind that at this point, I had last binged about nine weeks ago—I thought I was golden, having made it through the (even-more) stressful time that was the final exam/paper period. But, here I was back home, ready to binge. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, as my binge eating originated at home during high school. Still, I am now less than pleased that I gave myself permission to self-treat with food, even though I ultimately ended up not doing so; fortunately, it seems some intuitive eating instincts have developed and kicked in that day, as when I went and got a sundae for lunch, I consumed it and said, “Oof, I’m full/satisfied.” And the rest of the day was healthy.

Moral of the Story: Bad habits never seem to be entirely banished. I feel like I did myself a really big favor, though, by not going back to binge eating as a way to deal with stress, even the one time, because that one time is never just one time.

Blergh, work tomorrow—what do you dudes have planned for your weekend? Sunday, I’m hoping to just sit on my ass and play video games. I hope it’s not sunny that day; whenever I stay inside on the weekend, I always feel guilty if the sun is out.

Weigh-In Day: Weeks of May 7th and 14th

I didn’t really have any expectations/worries going into today’s weigh-in … I basically ate an average of 20 fewer calories per day than I needed for maintenance, but last week was also my first “taper week” (wherein I replaced a 7-mile run with a day of active rest), so I figured it would all even out.

Weight as of April May 7th: 127.9

Today’s Weight: 126.2 (?!)

Loss/Gain: 1.7

Average Daily Caloric Intake: 1,880

Exercise:

05/07: 5-mile walk + 40-minute weightlifting session
05/08: 7-mile run/walk
05/09: 2-mile run + 1-hour weightlifting session
05/10: 7-mile walk
05/11: 7-mile run/walk + 20-minute weightlifting session
05/12: Yoga
05/13: 1-hour aerobics tape

05/14: 7-mile run/walk + 20-minute weightlifting session
05/15: Yoga
05/16: 5-mile walk + 40-minute weightlifting session
05/17: 7-mile run/walk
05/18: Yoga
05/19: 2-mile run + 1-hour weightlifting session
05/20: 45-minute aerobics tape

… Aaaand, I have no idea how that happened. Basically, I can only think of the following explanations:

a) My body has adjusted to more calories, and that amount that I’ve been eating for “maintenance” (1,900 calories per day)  isn’t actually how much I need for maintenance.

b) Sometimes, less exercise when you’ve been overexercising = weight loss. Maybe my body just really badly needed an extra day off?

c) I’ve been more active. But, I highly doubt that two days of cemetery work (which consists of riding a mower and doing about two hours of weed-whacking per day) and moving out of my dorm makes for over a pound and a half of loss, especially since I’ve been walking less since getting home; When I was up at school, I walked everywhere, but now I can just hop in my car whenever I need to go to the store, etc.

d) IT’S A TRAP! … I mean, fluke.

Regardless, I’m not going to look a gift loss in the numbers, and I’m certainly not going to complain about basically being able to gain three pounds before I have to do any kind of “diet” related thang. But, if my weight drops any lower, I’m going to have to go on a … weight gain diet.

/angelic chorus

Anyway, I am hell of nervous about starting my new job tomorrow. But, I’m not so much nervous about the work, itself, as I am about the schedule/being able to chomp. “What if they don’t let me go right at 7 p.m.? What if I get too hungry? WHAT IF I CAN’T SNACK?” … How did I get so schedule-oriented at 21 years old? Jeeze! Also, self, it’s not like you’re going to starve to death if you have to wait an extra hour for dinner. I worry about the most ridiculous things.

What makes you anxious?

Goodbye, Brandeis

College—it is over.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am more than happy to be hoofin’ it out of here. But, it’s still odd to say goodbye to a place where I spent the better part of four years of my life. I’m looking forward to going home, though, and starting a career; I feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels for a while here, now, and going into broadcast has been my entire reason for going to school. Now, I finally get to be a reporter and an anchor.

As an aside, though, I think the university system could stand to be revamped: For someone like myself who wanted to be a journalist, was it really necessary to take courses like astronomy, which I only enrolled in fulfill a university requirement? And, when am I ever going to use the skills I learned in English classes in which we discussed Proust? They were great classes, sure, but should I have to take classes that aren’t relevant to my career just because you have to take courses for four years to graduate? Peh.

Anyway, I’m a bit nervous about today, just because I’m a celebratory eater. If something rad happens,* I want to eat to celebrate, and I’m hoping that since I haven’t binged in six weeks I can keep up my good habits today. And, really, why be worried? Everything that I eat is my decision; no one is going to force me to binge, so having decided not to binge, now, I know that everything is going to be fine. Problem solved!

Wish me safe travels, dudes! I’ll try to start posting more often soon, but at the moment, I need to just get home!

* I’m also a stress eater. And a sad eater. … Alright, I guess any emotion is really an excuse for me to chomp, whatever.

I Can Has Food?

Lately, I’ve been trying really hard to do the “only-eating-when-I’m-hungry” thing in an effort to move from calorie counting to intuitive eating. And, it’s a nice thing to get back to; I loved just listening to my body when I had my first whack at maintenance, and I can totally relate to a point Quix recently made in a blog post regarding how she’s “tasted freedom” and having difficulty going back to calorie counting and not just eating the food she wants/feels is necessary to nourish her body. When I gained back the weight after my last maintenance stint, it felt totally unnatural to be eating according to my “diet style.” And, my body wasn’t too keen on the practice either and essentially turned into a screaming toddler for the first few weeks of the next dieting attempt.

Body: “HAI AN EGG SAMMICH IS WHAT WOULD FEEL GOOD IN MY TUM LET’S EAT IT.”

Me: “No, sorry, we have 280 calories scheduled for breakfast and that means cereal.”

Body: ” … But I want an egg sammich. RIGHT NOW.”

Me: “Sorry, dude.”

Body: “SAMMMMICCCCCCCCCCCCH.”

And, so on.

Anyway, while I know all the intuitive eating guides say “ZOMG ONLY EAT WHEN YOU HAVE A HUNGRY,” I’ve been having difficulty shaking a few non-hunger-oriented eating habits. But, I have to wonder; is it OK to eat when you’re not hungry, sometimes?

At this point, I’ve gotten to be pretty good about lunch and my snacks (I eat breakfast right after exercising regardless of whether I’m hungry, because I know I need the fuel), in that I wait until I’m hungry to eat lunch and I don’t snack even if I feel I “can” have one but I’m not hungry (yesterday, for instance, I waited until 1:30 p.m. for lunch and when I became hungry at 5 p.m. I just had an apple to tide me over until dinner). But, I still eat dinner at a scheduled time regardless of whether I have a hunger, which according to intuitive eating’s principles is TEH BAD. But, 6 p.m. is just dinner time for me, and I don’t like to eat a heavy meal too close to bed. Likewise, I don’t like to eat dinner before 6 p.m., even if I am hungry, because I don’t like to eat that early (Does anyone else feel that way about meal times? I postpone lunch sometimes, too, because I just don’t like to eat a lunch before noon). That, and I have always an evening snack at 8:30 p.m., again, regardless of whether I’m hungry, because I don’t want to wake up mad famished.

Am I doin’ it wrong? Do I always need to be hungry when I decide to eat, or are these practices OK? It’s not like if I’m not super hungry I chow down on a gabillion calorie snack at the end of the day; most of the time, I nom something like yogurt. And, even when I am hungry but wait to eat until a scheduled meal time, I don’t usually wait for more than a half an hour. Also, should always eat a certain amount of calories a day (e.g., my BMR) so I don’t get my fainting on?

I should probably invest in some kind of nutrition book, but I’m cheap. Regardless, I’m trying to get away from eating a certain food because I have a certain amount of calories, but this is the diet habit I’ve had the most trouble kicking.

In other news, don’t you hate it when you have a day to sleep in, and your body decides it just doesn’t want to do so that morning? I definitely didn’t have to get up until 7 a.m. today, but at around 5:45 a.m. my mind just went “I’MUPUPUPLET’SWORKONESSAYS!” and then when I actually tried to work on my essays this early in the morning my mind was all, “Oh no my bad I’m not actually conscious enough to do this right now lol.”

For those of you who have/are making the transition to intuitive eating, do you have any tips? Did you have difficulty kicking certain “diet habits”?

Weigh-In Day: Weeks of April 23rd and April 30th

So, as those of you who read my recent spazz-out are probably aware, I really, really, really did not want to get on the scale today. Logically, I knew that somewhere between that amount you need to eat to lose weight and that amount you need to eat to gain weight, there is an amount that you can eat to maintain your weight. But, I spent the majority of my time over the last two weeks thinking not logically, and every time I looked at myself, I was sure I had gained weight. Well, let us see if my fears were unfounded or not:

Weight as of April 23rd: 127.9

Today’s Weight: 127.9

Loss/Gain: No Change

Average Daily Caloric Intake: 1,850 (April 23rd – April 29th)/1,900 (April 30th – May 6th)

Exercise:

04/23: 7-mile run/walk
04/24: 2-mile run + 1-hour weightlifting session
04/25: Yoga
04/26: 5-mile walk + 40-minute weightlifting session
04/27: 30-minute elliptical session + 10-minute rowing machine session + 1.5-mile walk/run
04/28: 7-mile walk + 20-minute weightlifting session
04/29: 7-mile run/walk

04/30: 7-mile run/walk
05/01: 2-mile run + 1-hour weightlifting session
05/02: Yoga
05/03: 5-mile walk + 40-minute weightlifting session
05/04: 30-minute elliptical session + 10-minute rowing machine session + 1.5-mile walk/run
05/05: 7-mile walk + 20-minute weightlifting session
05/06: 7-mile run/walk

ARGH I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN Wait, what?

I … maintained my weight for two weeks?

Dear Internet:

I am sorry for having lost my shit and writing emo-tastic blog posts over nothing.

Love,

Liz

Seriously, though, I’m shocked, and this is exactly why I need to weigh myself to know where my weight is at; if you had asked me yesterday, I would have bet my unborn, firstborn child that I had gained a ton of weight. I’m just really terrible at assessing my weight by how I look—my mind plays tricks on me (Shit I think this is known as dysmorphia WHOOPS.)

Honestly, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little sad I don’t need more food to maintain my weight, but I was also very satisfied eating 1,900 calories per day, so to want to be able to eat more would really just be kind of gluttonous of me. Regardless, this is a HUGE relief, and I’m super pleased to be going into the summer and graduating at my goal weight, aware of how many calories I need to maintain AND at a place where I haven’t binged for almost six weeks straight. I feel like I’m in a good mindset. Now, I just need to work on eating intuitively, and I think I’ll be more comfortable doing that now that I know what my my maintenance intake looks like.

I also need to just ACCEPT my victories. I got on the scale this morning and immediately went, “That can’t possibly be right. My scale must be broken, or last week I must have been retaining water and I actually gained this week AHHHHHH.” Calm down, self. Everything is cool, you don’t need to second guess success. But, non-scale victories are important (if not more important), too, and I’m hoping now that I’ve been maintaining for a bit I’ll become a bit less obsessed with the scale. Woot.

I’ll weigh myself again in another two weeks, methinks. Now, though, it’s time for a walk, my legs feel like jelly today, probably because I did some High Intensity Interval Training yesterday. Basically, while on the treadmill, I would do five-minute sets during which I ran for three minutes at 6 mph and for one minute at 8 mph before walking for one minute at 4 mph. Run, rinse, repeat for twenty-five minutes. Intense, dudes.

Have you tried any new exercises, lately?

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