OMFG SNOW

So, not to be Captain Obvious for those bloggers/readers in Boston, but DUDES IT IS TOTALLY SNOWING OUTSIDE.

And, when I say this, it is not with excitement.

I hate the cold. In fact, after graduating, I hope to move somewhere warm—somewhere where the winter doesn’t bring postponement of plans and the inability to run outside whenever I damn well please. I’ve lived in the Northeast my entire life and, quite frankly, I am sick of shoveling snow. PAH, SNOW. PAH I SAY TO YOU. Regardless, I am willing to forgive the weather so long as it doesn’t interfere with my final exam on Tuesday; it’s the last thing between me and going home for winter break, and I cannot wait to get out of here.

Luckily, I took advantage of the non-snowiness this morning and snuck in a run while the getting was good. When I first stepped outside, today, I actually had every intention of just going to the gym and doing my run there (“OMG IT IS SO CHILLAY AND I AM A WIMP”), but all the treadmills were being used! How dare these Weekend Warriors stand in the way of my desire to excercise in a warm area. I AM A BABY, GODDAMMIT, AND MUST BE CODDLED. Anyway, I took a look at the sky (it was about 8:30 A.M., and I knew snow was forthcoming), and just started charging down the street. It. Was. AWESOME. It’s funny, I hardly ever look forward to my runs, but I always enjoy them, especially when they end up happening outdoors—an outdoor run always flies by for me.

On the binge eating front, I’ve been keeping it together for the last two days (Hooray!), but I need to hit the grocery store tomorrow and all this stress is setting me up for trouble; over the course of the evening, I’ve been thinking of all the tasty things I’d like to chomp on while studying for my exam (see a connection, here?). But, I managed to “white knuckle” it yesterday, and I’m just going to keep fighting the fight. Honestly, I think you just need to get to a point where you put your foot down and say, “ENOUGH.” Am I there yet? I don’t know, but I’ve just come to the realization that I am 21-years old and I essentially eat like a domesticated animal. I need to start eating like an adult.

Part of the reason I’m stressed, though, is because I am going home, and while home I sometimes feel a certain lack of control over my eating habits. There’s a lot of focus on eating/weight in my family, and sometimes I feel abnormal because of comments they make in response to my decision to diet or eat healthfully. For example: I honestly sometimes just do not like to go out to eat—I know there are copious amounts of calories in restaurant meals, so that aspect just makes the meal less than enjoyable, and restaurant food also tends to sit in my stomach like lead. It’s just a feeling I don’t enjoy, but if I decline I get passive-aggresive commentary on occasion, and then I feel guilty for not going out with people because that’s what “normal” people do, and then I do go out and don’t enjoy it and binge. Blergh.

But, I am going to try and eat like an “adult” while I’m home; if I have an indulgence or go out to eat, that should be it. I really want to conquer this before I start my “post-holiday” diet; not bingeing will make the journey go so much quicker, and it’ll mean I can get around to eating more and maintaining my weight sooner. Yessir. It’s hard to control yourself, though, when food is right in front of you; when you get into that binge mentality, it’s like you entirely forget about consequenes. Does anyone else have this problem?

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