Awesome, I did it again!

a) Yes, I am referencing B. Spears in the title.

b) Yes, I’m sorry, it will never happen again.

c) Yes, I binged again. But, does it count as a binge if you consciously decide to overeat and enjoy it?

You see, I am sitting here, right this moment, enjoying my pint of Haagen-Daaz. Keyword: Enjoying. You see, I had lunch today and was immediately struck by the appetite/stress bug; I plowed through two Kashi bars (Note to self: Don’t buy energy bars anymore, you just eat them like candy), some cereal and said, “WHOAH. Is this what you really want?” To which I replied, “No, I really want some candy. But, I’m off sweets at the moment and also out of bonus calories.” To which I replied, “Well, who cares. If that’s what you want, eat it anyway.” So, I did.

“Waaaaaaaaaait!” part of me said. “At least try to reduce the size of a binge and go 500 calories under your last one!” To which I replied, “No, I’m going to eat what I really want, regardless.”

Which brings me to a bit of a conundrum; did I fail for consciously failing to stop or even reduce my binge eating, or did I succeed because I “honored my hunger” and had what I wanted and just that, even though what I wanted entailed a ridiculous amount of candy? I’m not unhappy about this (of course, that may change tomorrow), except that I feel like I’ve lost my ability to stay “on plan,” which is worrisome (“It’s going to take so long to lose the weight if you keep this up post-holidays!”). I’m actually enjoying being full/satisfied. But, still. I didn’t stop a binge when I should have. And now the disappointment is setting in.

Goddammit.

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2 Comments

  1. balanceinbites said,

    December 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM

    Don’t beat yourself up. It’s only worse when you do that!

    Chin up, girl.

  2. December 4, 2009 at 12:25 AM

    Ugh, you’re right. I am feeling a bit better now, since the day wasn’t a total loss (I ended up reigning it in a bit and eating less during this binge than I did during the last, so that is something I guess?), but I am still like, “AHH I CAN’T STAY ON PLAN FOR MORE THAN A WEEK IT IS GOING TO TAKE SO LONG TO LOSE EVEN LIKE TWO-TENTHS OF A POUND SHEEEEEEIT I’LL NEVER BE AT MY GOAL WEIGHT AGAIN AND IF I AM IT WILL BE LIKE FOR A WEEK FUUUUUUUUCK.”
    OMFG DEEP BREATHS.


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