According to Plan

Sorry for the lack of detailed posts, dudes/ladies; I’ve been plowing through end-of-the-semester papers, and honestly the last thing I felt like doing the last couple of days after writing analys … es? … z? I have no idea what the plural of “analysis” is. Yes, I am an English major. Shut up. BUT, I DIGRESS. The last thing I felt like doing the last couple of days after spending all day working on an essay was spending more time at my computer, especially since my computer is being such a d-bag; it runs Windows Vista, so the operating system has never been stellar, but the hardware has been going lately, too. Ugh. I’d shell out for a Netbook to finish out college, but I don’t want to waste money when I’m going to be graduating soon and looking at a new set of computing needs.

Anyway, it wasn’t terrible being up at school for Thanksgiving, just mildly depressing. Christmas is my favorite holiday, anyway, and Thanksgiving is all the way down at #4 on my list of “Best Holidays EVA,” but I still missed ye olde traditional cranberry/stuffing/family chillaxin’. Regardless, Christmas is the big “get together” holiday in my family, so I didn’t really miss anything that won’t be repeated in a few weeks. However, my time spent at school has been very productive, except for that hour I spent locked out of my suite on Thanksgiving Day. Which was followed by me crying in front of the police officer who was trying to make conversation when I went to the station to be let back into my dorm. Alas. Unfortunately, I’m one of those people who gets horrendously emotional when they’re stressed out.

But, while my ego was bruised as a result of stress, my waistline has not been (yet, at least); there have been several times over the last few days where I’ve just wanted to cave and binge, but I know that with every day that I don’t binge, the urge will be lessened. Ity definitely helps not having any trigger foods in the dorm, though; it’s much easier to prevent a binge when you can’t reach out and snag a pack of cookies right when the urge strikes.

Anyway, right now, as much as I would love to be losing weight and such, I really think I need to conquer binge eating first. And, I know if I can beat this, then it’ll make for a much easier time when I do get around to losing/maintaining. I really think that binge eating has just become a bad habit, and my automatic response to stress. So, I just need to replace that response with a different one and white knuckle it, I reckon.

But, I HAVE A PLAN!

From now through Dec. 23, I’m going to count calories as best I can. But, if a special event comes up, I’m going to partake. BUT, there is also a “No non-Holiday Specific Treats” ban in place, which sounds weird, but for me it makes sense; you see, my problem isn’t so much with bingeing at special events at such. Rather, its in the aftermath of those events when I think “Oh, the day is already ruined, let’s go get a pint of ice cream/random sugar from the grocery store!” So, I’ve come to associate special events/holidays with binge eating. BAD. Thus, at the moment, I’m just focusing on learning to enjoy a solitary indulgence. If I get more specific, my goal is to stay under 3,000 calories per day from now until Dec. 23. Come Dec. 24, I’m going to give myself three days of intuitive eating, during which time I’ll hopefully be able to apply the binge-restriction eating habits I’ve developed between now and then. I’m hoping that over that three day span, I’ll have lost the desire to binge and will just eat my normal meals with some holiday-specific indulgences. NO CUPBOARD DIVING*/TRIPS TO THE GROCERY STORE, SELF. Then, Dec. 27, I’ll start my full weight loss program.

I told you I was a planner.

“Too bad your plans never work,” says Pessimistic Self, who then high-fives that kid who punched you in the stomach in kindergarten.

HEY! Not cool. Also, something has to work sometime, right? And a binge eater is not who I want to be, I’ve realized. So, hush ye mouth and be amazed as I actually succeed maybe.

Blergh, I should get back to work. I’m pretty pleased, though, that I’ve succesfully added some extra excercise to my schedule; the past two days, I’ve hit the elliptical for an extra 30 minutes per day and done some upper body weight lifting. NEAT. I’m really starting to feel a difference in my fitness level, too; I’m hoping that by getting stronger now, it’ll make for an easier weight loss quest post-holidays.

*Cupboard Diving (noun): The act of eating entirely random things (i.e., slices of bread, cheese, etc.) while bingeing that usually are not particularly tasty and are eaten just because the chomper feels like eating more.

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