A Running Start

November 15, 2009 at 10:09 AM (Musings on Fitness, Musings on Food, Musings on Life)
Tags: Binge Eating, Daily Troubles, LIFE IS SO HARD OMG, Mental Health, Running

I’m a lady who likes structure. On days I don’t have class, I tend to just mosey around and not get anything done. I plan out my meals a week in advance. And when I don’t have an excercise program to follow, I get into a slump.

Lately, I’ve fallen victim to the latter most item on that list. My workouts have been getting done, but I haven’t been enjoying them that much and my intensity has been lacking. So, I shopped around for a new running program.

I adapted this plan from Runner’s World in an effort to, at the end of 10 weeks, complete my first double-digit run. “Hey,” I thought, “I’m eating more, so now is a great time to start running more, right?” I was already running 6.5 miles comfortably, so I’m starting at around week four on the Runner’s World program. However, my plan caps my runs at 10 miles, when the original plan goes up to 20+ miles on certain days. Honestly, I don’t have time to devote more than two hours in a day to a run, and I don’t want to get into an excercise plan that I can’t sustain. But, here’s my plan:

WEEK	F	S	Su	M	T	W	Th	Total
November 13th	Cross Training	Quality 6 miles	Easy 4 miles	Tempo 5 miles	Yoga	Easy 7 miles	Easy 3 miles	25 miles
November 20th	Cross Training	Quality 6 miles	Easy 4 miles	Tempo 5 miles	Yoga	Easy 8 miles	Easy 3 miles	26 miles
November 27th	Cross Training	Quality 6 miles	Easy 4 miles	Tempo 6 miles	Yoga	Easy 8 miles	Easy 3 miles	27 miles
December 4th	Cross Training	Quality 7 miles	Easy 4 miles	Tempo 6 miles	Yoga	Easy 8 miles	Easy 4 miles	29 miles
December 11th	Cross Training	Quality 7 miles	Easy 4 miles	Tempo 7 miles	Yoga	Easy 8 miles	Easy 4 miles	30 miles
December 18th	Cross Training	Quality 7 miles	Easy 5 miles	Tempo 7 miles	Yoga	Easy 8 miles	Easy 4 miles	31 miles
December 25th	Cross Training	Quality 8 miles	Easy 5 miles	Tempo 7 miles	Yoga	Easy 8 miles	Easy 4 miles	32 miles
January 1st	Cross Training	Quality 8 miles	Easy 5 miles	Tempo 8 miles	Yoga	Easy 8 miles	Easy 4 miles	33 miles
January 8th	Cross Training	Quality 8 miles	Easy 5 miles	Tempo 8 miles	Yoga	Easy 9 miles	Easy 4 miles	34 miles
January 15th	Cross Training	Quality 8 miles	Easy 5 miles	Tempo 8 miles	Yoga	Easy 10 miles	Easy 4 miles	35 miles

It probably seems excessive to stretch this plan out over 10 weeks, but, whatevs (DON’T HATE.) I don’t want to injure myself or ramp up my appetite by doing too much too soon. Also, the days on which I do my long runs probably seem a little whack, but some days I don’t have class until 1 p.m., and those are just the best days for me to do an extended run. And, I have Yoga class every Tuesday, so that workout is kind of nonnegotiable.

Anyway, after my little panic attack last night, I recovered fairly well after I wrote about my anxiety. I didn’t do great yesterday (I ate about 3,500 calories: Yikes. Not exactly stellar for the first day of getting “back on track.”), but I didn’t eat over 5,000 calories like I did the day before, either. It’s funny, but last night I started eating and I thought, “Ah, no, this is going to be another binge.” But, it’s like, if I can stop eating for about five to 10 minutes, I just forget about food and go about my business. Sometimes, I feel like it’s easier not to eat at all then to start. Does that make sense?

I know I said I wasn’t going to weigh myself, but I sometimes I feel like not knowing how much I weigh in the aftermath of a splurge makes me more anxious. If I just follow my plan, though, I’ll be fine, and I want to eat well. So, why am I not confident in my resolve?

I don’t understand why some days I feel entirely in control, and others I just shake because I want to eat so badly. What’s the deal? And why is it so hard to just not eat? Like, today; I have to go to the movies today to review a film, and honestly, I just want to stay home so I don’t have to deal with being surrounded by a bunch of food that I can’t eat. On my way to the movies, I pass about a gabillion restaurants, a McDonald’s, a Wendy’s, the grocery store and my favorite ice cream shop, and then there’s the concession stand, itself. And some days, I could care less. But, today is a day that I just want to eat everything in sight. Maybe it’s just the stress, but regardless … I just don’t feel like fightin’ the urge, some days. And I get into a very dangerous mindset: On the one hand, Good Me wants to eat well so there is a minimal amount of time devoted to dieting following the holidays. But, Bad Me says, “Binge eat! You’re going to have to diet, anyway, so once you’re on it, what’s another two or three weeks?” And you might say, “Well, m’lady, why can’t you just have the ice cream, or just the candy from the stand?” ARE YOU CRAZY?! I have eaten terribly, lately! I am counting calories! If I were to have one of those things, I will have failed for the day, and then I may as well just eat everything! “But, that makes no sense.” SILENCE! THIS IS THE INTERNET! YOUR LOGIC HAS NO PLACE, HERE!

I just need to be dropped an island/placed in isolation for a year so I can lose the last few pounds and then learn to eat. Anyone have an island I can borrow?