An Attempt at Anti-Anxiety

Dear Self,

I know you’re stressed out about gaining weight. It’s OK; food and your weight have been the main focus of your life for a long time, and I understand that you thought you were at a point where you could begin moving past that and are afraid you’re going to be starting over again. I understand that.


The appropriate response to this stress and to the upcoming holidays is not to eat more now. You feel bloated and anxious today? You’re going to feel worse tomorrow if you continue to overeat. Can you not handle counting calories right now? That’s OK; just stop, then. But stop stress-eating; it’s not going to help.

I know you probably feel like you look terrible, and I know you’re upset about the weight you may have gained over the wedding weekend and yesterday and today. But, you can lose it after the holidays if you just buckle down. And, guess what? No one notices those five or even ten pounds but you. Everyone is too focused on themselves and how terrible they feel they look.

Also, it’s only food, and it’s not going to magically disappear while you’re trying to lose weight. Your favorite things will still be there when you’re done dieting.

So, take a deep breath and step away from the ice cream.





  1. November 15, 2009 at 12:49 AM

    First of all, you’re right about the whole no one noticing 5 or 10 pounds. I’m almost 10 pounds heavier now than the lowest weight I got down to during this whole diet experiment. And I don’t think anyone notices. I know *I* do, holy crap, I notice like crazy. BUT. No one else does. It’s just me. And stress eating WONT help.

    Can I just say… you have no idea what it means to me to read someone who’s completely honest about bingeing on their blog. I read so many food blogs that are written by seemingly “perfect” eaters. They eat perfectly intuitively, only when they’re hungry. They eat only healthy foods. They indulge every so often, and they do it in a controlled fashion. And the thing is – they do it with NO EFFORT. It’s seemingly easy as pie for them.

    For me… I struggle on a daily basis. I struggle a lot. It’s not just a minor challenge, it’s like a huge effing elephant that someone is pointing to, being like, “Pick up that elephany and move that. Move it across the room.” And I’m like, BUT ITS SO HEAVY I CANT and they’re like, well, you have to try anyway. So sometimes I move it a couple inches. Maybe for a few days in a row, I move it bit by bit. And then, at the end of the week, I’ve moved it a foot! And THEN, the elephant decides to drop a huge crap on top of me, and wander on over back to where it originally was.


    Anyway, it’s nice to know that there is someone else out there who goes through the same issues as me. Thanks for blogging. ❤

  2. November 15, 2009 at 9:51 AM

    a) Dang, thank you! You have no idea how awesome it is to hear that this is nice for someone to read and also that someone else is going through the same thing as me. I almost didn’t write it, just because, well … I felt foolish, mostly because I felt like anyone reading would be like, “Girl, it is not that hard to not eat!” And, you would think that of all the things in life that would be easy, it would be putting things not in your mouth. BUT, IT’S HARD. And you described perfectly how hard it is. I don’t know why it’s so hard not to eat, sometimes … Addiction runs in my family, and maybe I’m addicted to food rather than drugs or liquor. AND YOU CAN’T GET AWAY FROM FOOD. It is a huge ELEPHANT that you see everywhere. Even today, when I got up, I thought immediately about how I’m going to the movies today and, boy, I’d love something from the concession stand and my favorite ice cream shop is right next store and the grocery store is right on the way … Like you said, it’s a struggle.
    The other reason I felt foolish is because I feel idiotic complaining about five to 10 pounds, particularly when it doesn’t make that much of a difference. I feel like anyone who came across this blog who had 50+ pounds to lose would be totally entitled to btich smack me. And the thing is, for you and I who only have the little bit to lose, WE LOOK GOOD. But, personally, my weight is a constant preoccupation. I wish I could just let it go and not care, but I just think about it always. I’ve already planned months ahead how I’m going to diet following the holidays, estimating how long it is going to take and whether I’m going to be stuck in this situation again.

    b) Man, I have seen those blogs, too, and I just get really angry. It is like, ‘I had a dessert today! It was one square inch of chocolate! I was soooooooooooo satisfied!’ Whereas I am like, “I had dessert today! It was a candy store. I want more.” Sometimes, I just don’t think I’ll ever get there. But, at least my binges are less extreme then they used to be. So, maybe I’m getting there.

    Holy shit this was a long comment. In conclusion, thank you for being here and for blogging, too.

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