Holding On When I Should Be Letting Go

Well, I did feel ready for a little while to begin intuitive eating. I’m still really pleased that I splurged and didn’t binge, but now I’m analyzing how I look in the mirror every five minutes and calorie counting to combat the splurge. I’m not being overly restrictive, mind you—I’m eating the same amount of calories I would have had I not splurged—but my reasoning is, “Well, if I can count, I should … that way, I won’t accidently overeat.”

And, maybe this is OK: That I calorie count when I can do so without hindering my social life but, if something comes up, just go for it. I’m not really sure. I feel calorie counting is wrong—but, is it OK if it makes me feel better about a splurge, because by counting calories I know I’m not overdoing it the day after?

Maybe after this week if I see some positive results, I’ll feel better about the process. But, right now I’m too stressed out that the candy I ate means I’m going to have to start dieting again after this week. I don’t want to be dieting every other week just to stay within my range. But, I guess we’ll see where I’m at come Friday; honestly, it wouldn’t bother me if I were up a little bit. I just don’t want to have to start dieting again already.

The nutritionist was helpful, but she also told me I should be eating about 2,400 calories to maintain my weight and couldn’t explain to me why I had maintained while only eating 1,800 calories per day. But, she did advise me to use the “hunger scale,” where  I rate my hunger whenever I eat and such, and to focus on meals that include the food groups I need rather than counting calories. Of course, I’m still doing the latter, but I’m going to try and still use intuitive eating tricks even though I’m counting calories.

I wish I could just stop stressing!


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